WOW Drama….

July 13, 2011 · 21 comments

How exciting was yesterday?! Lots of hot comments.  I do have to say, I did kind of love the way everyone stood up for me. 

Being married to a PF blogger, I understand that our financial life is an open book to all of you.  Therefore, our different view on finances will often come up.  To get things straight, I didn’t marry myself…and I am so thankful for that.  Ninja and I are different people, and we have different views. One viewpoint is not better than the other. Through our differences, I am able to learn so much.  This is coming from the girl who only saved after I had boughten my needs/wants for the month. Thanks to Ninja, I learned the importance of paying yourself first…yes, even before shopping. Along with learning new things about PF, I am also challenged – as illustrated by our conversation about the presale. I don’t want to be stubborn, never questioning (or bettering) the way I do things.  Ninja challenges me in a usually healthy way.

During our finance fued, my first thoughts were very similar to some of yours:

  • I work too
  • I have good judgement
  • I did fine with money before we got married (I saved myself a very comfy decorating budget the 8 months prior to combining finances :) )
  • I don’t need rules and regulations.  

Did you notice how many I’s there are? As we took a break from our discussion (My hair desperately needed to be blow-dried), I had that gentle reminder that it’s not all about me.  We got married, and I promised to put the needs of NInja above my own.  Helping him provide for our household, helping him handle our finances in a way that it is responsible, and being a steward of all we have been given, is the kind of wife I want to be. Having that realization, subsided all my selfish “I deserve more” thoughts, and allowed me to come to work towards a mutual compromise.

With a better perspective, I could affirm to Ninja that I want him to feel comfortable with my spending.  I was able to understand that money spent shopping means money not put in savings.  He was able to realize that his initial communication WAS a little overbearing, and he has to be careful with how he talks with me.  As we talked it through, we fought for a solution that was less about us as individuals and more about us as a couple.  

And did you notice, it got me $100 more in my spending budget!? Yay, for compromise :) I have one good husband and am so thankful.  We have different commitment levels to our savings – so what? We find a way towards a middle ground, we learn a little lesson in selflessness, and we thank the Lord that He is walking with us through it all.

I’m writing all this, and being raw with you, in hopes that you don’t feel sorry for me, or worry about our financial choices.  Married 11 months, we are still ironing out details, still learning together, and you, readers, are invited along for the ride :)

P.S. Nordstrom Pre-Sale Day= AMAZING.  I”ll be sharing my finds soon….

 

{ 21 comments }

1 Shauna

Kudos to you for answering to the situation, and kudos to Ninja for giving you the opportunity.

Enjoy your finds, girl!

2 Jaimie

I didn’t comment yesterday because of all the drama going on. I just wanted to tell you both that I am impressed with how you both came to a satisfying (for both of you) conclusion. A marriage is alot of work and so is compromise. Don’t let the negativity of others change anything that affects YOUR lives! You guys are doing a wonderful job at being a husband and wife!

3 jpassmore

We only had the context of the post to go by, and the writing and delivery just hit me (and apparently a lot of people) negatively.

That said, a lot of people blew it way out of proportion (the d word was thrown around?). Money issues are huge in relationships, and the fact that yall can find middle ground says a lot about the stability of yours and ninja’s. Kudos!

4 Jenny~Z

I totally agree. The context of the post hit me very negatively, unfortunately the humour was missed.

Kudos to you ninja’s for working though it successfully!

5 StackingCash

Awesome post :) It’s all about communication and growing together as a couple. What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger, right? After 10 years of marriage with my soulmate you would think that there would never be any miscommunications between us, but it does happen.

6 Jon -- Free Money Wisdom

So true. Communication is so difficult. I am in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend–she is in TN and I am in CA and it can be killer. Selflessness plays a significant role–laying down your rights for the other and understanding sometimes it really DOESN’T matter. It is a lot of hard work, but it is worth it.

7 Trina

Love that you two are so into finances and communication so early on in your marriage! A lot of couples don’t find their footing for a long time. Seems like you guys definitely on the right track:) Can’t believe you are coming up on your first anniversary already. Congrats!

8 No Debt MBA

I’m glad you guys could have a productive conversation even after disagreeing. Working together can be hard, keep it up!

9 Mo D.

The posts ahead of me said everything I would’ve said had I gotten here sooner! Be proud that the 2 of you are discussing finances in the first place! Yes, there will be disagreements… yes, there will have to be compromises and concessions made on both parts, in all aspects of your married life…but in the end, you know you’re in it together… TEAM NINJA!

I went back and read some of the newer posts from the blog yesterday… WOW… drama with a capital “D”!!

And I’m not the only woman out there that’s left the middle of a discussion to blow-dry her hair?!?! AWESOME!! Thanks GN… I really enjoy reading both Ninjas posts :-)

10 Jenna, Adaptu Community Manager

Are you getting stuff for just yourself? Or the new house? If its for the new house I think $300 is fair. But if it’s all clothes, I think the original budget is fair.

11 WBWB

Girl Ninja. Will you marry me??? Just kidding. :) But truly, What a Classy, Mature and Savvy response. xoxo

12 Spend It Wisely

Quite simply a great post. Nice work you two, ironing it now makes for a great future together.

13 Sara

I love reading the GN side of these discussions! :D

14 Julie

So *humility* is the jedi mind-trick huh? I’ll have to try that myself sometime ;)

15 First Gen American

I’m loving your posts girl ninja. It’s so rare to be able to hear both sides of the story on someone’s blog.

16 StackingCash

Ya, you need to get your husband and Babci to post on your blog :)

17 Matt

Now all the love pours out on GN! Sorry for all the haters Ninja.

18 saro

I didn’t comment either b/c I’m usually a lurker and it was a bit drama-laden. I think the final resolution is the most important part of any disagreement and it seems you both heard each other and came to a mutually acceptable compromise. Good for both of you!

19 Claire

“I promised to put the needs of NInja above my own.”
Oh I have such a problem with this! Your needs are just as important as Ninja’s!

However is can sometimes be difficult to articulate exactly what you are thinking in a blog, and then it gets misinterpreted, and then you justify it to the masses and they misinterpret that and it just gets worse and worse! Also I’m sure sometimes things get drama-ed to make the blog sound good, although I’m sure that is more Ninja than you.
I know you two will work out things that work for you as a couple, but I have to say having an allowance each that you can spend however you want really is a great way to go (in my marriage at least)

20 This Guy

I think the Ninja family is sexy. Sexy saving, sexy spending, sexy looking…….. just straight sexy.

21 Momninja

I am so glad he found you to help iron him out…..

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