I can’t believe all the crap you women buy. It’s unbelievable.
Girl Ninja and I took a trip back up to Seattle a few weeks ago and we decided to only do carry-ons for the short weekend getaway. Well, that apparently ended up being a problem because GN needed to buy travel size products since all of her shampoos and whatnots are over the 3oz regulation size.
Look, I have no problem with GN wanting to be sanitized, beautified, and lotionized, but after the fourth or fifth product it started getting a little ridiculous. I mean, homegirl picked up some travel shampoo, conditioner, face wash, body wash, body lotion, and face lotion. Are you kidding me? Really? Is all that necessary?
Maybe it’s a guy thing, but when it comes to cleanliness I only need one product. Shampoo. Who needs body wash, or face wash, or lotion, or conditioner when you have a bottle of Old Spice? I just rub the shampoo around my head until it gets soapy and then proceed to use that soap to clean the rest of my body. Heck I even use it to shave. Works like a charm, and by my precise calculations saves me A CRAPLOAD of money.
I’m serious ladiez, you need to get your shopping game under control. I’m convinced IKEA would go out of business tomorrow if the female population went extinct. As GN and I discuss our future home furnishings, there are a few things we agree on. We need a bed, a couch, and a TV. That’s where I draw the line. I don’t need 98 different glass vases (filled with seashells) sitting on the bathroom counter. Nor do I have any desire to paint my walls with an accent color. And don’t even get me started on decorative pillows. I mean do we really need to buy pillows that we aren’t actually allowed to use? “What do you mean I have to take them off the bed and put them in a trunk before I can go to sleep, only to wake up and have to put them back on the bed again?” Ahhhhh!
And to close this Friday’s tongue-in-cheek rant, I’d like to bring to light the biggest difference between a man and a woman. Shopping with a purpose. Let’s say John wants to buy a new shirt for work. His wife Tara, also needs a new dress shirt. They both have the same objective, but their process to completing the goal is usually very different. Before John even gets in his car to go to the mall, he already has an idea of what color and style of shirt he wants as well as what store he’d prefer to buy it from. John walks in to Banana Republic and five minutes later comes out victorious. He got his shirt.
Tara on the other hand, drives to the mall with three of her best friends. During the drive Tara forgets that she went to the mall for a purpose… to buy a dress shirt. Instead, she thinks she is taking a “girls day” and after three hours of shopping, two new pairs of shoes, a salad from Cheesecake Factory, a new toaster oven from crate and barrel, and a tall non-fat vanilla latte from Starbucks, Tara heads home. Later that night, she shows John what she got at the mall. It’s not until this point that she remembers the reason she went shopping in the first place. “Oh well” she thinks, “I’ll just go back tomorrow.”
You women are a piece of work.
So men help me out. What crazy quirks of the female species have I overlooked? I would love to hear from some of you married dudes.
And femALIENS, this is your chance to get even. What are some things us men do that irk you? I’m guessing leaving the toilet seat up is pretty high on the list. Bring it on!!!!!
Let it be known, I don’t actually harvest any bitter feelings towards women, but I can’t help to OVER-DRAMATIZE the difference between man and woman. It’s Friday, so I figured I’d stir a little debate for the weekend.