Punch Secrets In The Face

A few years ago, I decided to make a blog post that resembled a very popular website, PostSecret.com. If you aren’t familiar, PostSecret is a community art project in which random people like you, mail in post cards containing deeply personal confessions. My first post like this, “Share your secret”, remains one of my most popular articles. Since it’s been about two years since we’ve done this, I figured it wouldn’t hurt to run this little social experiment again.

Here are some PostSecret confessions that caught my eye…

You can’t help but be interested right? There is something about being vulnerable that just feels good. So, I’m hoping you will, once again, participate in Post Secret PDITF style.

The rules are simple. Drop a comment in the section below with one secret related to finances, money, family, life, etc that you haven’t shared with anyone. I recommend you comment anonymously or under an alias, but it’s really up to you how you want to be identified.

Here are some of the secrets shared by my readers last time I did this…

  • I’m contemplating losing one of my part-time jobs so I can be eligible for welfare
  • I think people who complain about money are too lazy and stupid to make more.
  • I resent my mom because she abused my child support money and doesn’t pay for any of my expenses now, leaving it all up to my dad.
  • I never told my parents that I was so in over my head during my first few years of college I donated plasma just to eat. I had too much pride to accept help from anyone, so I sold plasma to put a few bucks of gas in the car for a weekend trip home and used the rest to eat out of vending machines for a week. Until the next week, when I’d do it all over again.
  • I secretly loath stay-at-home moms. Nothing about being cooped up in a house all day with kids sounds appealing to me. Problem: my husband expects me to do that when we have kids.

This really is a great opportunity to not only share your secrets, but to understand that you are not alone. Who’s willing to get a little vulnerable and answer the question…

What’s your secret?

71 thoughts on “Punch Secrets In The Face

  1. It burns me that my parents helped my brother and sister with their deposit for their houses because they are / were then lousy with money “but it’s important for people to get into their first home!” and my husband and I who saved 20% down got… a clothesline when we moved in. I mean my sister got 12K and I got…. a two hundred dollar clothesline. It’s a super great clothesline, (that is the average price in the big box store anyway I am not exactly sure how much mine was) but seriously, my brother got at least ten thousand. They didn’t even get me pegs.

  2. I almost took my brother’s share of our mom’s inheritance that was not already tied down. (like the 401ks were).

  3. I recently became re-acquantained with an old friend, but after listening to her talk about herself for 2 solid hours, I came to realize she’s a very needy individual, and has some issues she really needs to work out. As bad as it sounds, I can promise you the next time she wants to hook up for coffee, I’ll be busy.

  4. I won’t marry him because his sense of personal finance stinks. He’d rather have fun now than make an extra payment on his car. There will never be an “our money” in this relationship.

    • I have a friend that wasn’t as smart as you; she did marry him, BUT she keeps her money separate because she knows he stinks at keeping his finances in order. EVERYTHING’S in her name; nasty Catch 22 because she can’t rely on him to pony up the $ for an emergency/repair is something’s needed to be done to the house… which is only in her name… they’d never have gotten a mortgage if he applied with her. She doesn’t even know if he has a retirement fund set up (I think she’s afraid of the answer if she were to ask the question).

  5. My life would be easier financially and much less stressful if my husband died and we got the life insurance money.

  6. My secret: I’m afraid that my significant other doesn’t believe in emergency funds, and that one day, we’ll need one and we’ll have to use credit… all because he doesn’t want to take time to open an account and put a few hundred into it. I guess I will have to start the emergency fund by myself.

  7. I’m pretty sure I will have to file BK this year. Thanks to my ex who crapped all our money away and apparently didn’t pay the bills for the last 3 months we were together.

    The secret is even though I know this I can’t stop paying my credit cards. I feel too guilt about filing BK.

  8. I read pditf on the crapper at work every morning. I’m bummed when there isn’t a new post because i have to find something else to read.

  9. I had my ex that I was living with pay for everything for months so I could save up enough to leave him and get a place of my own.

  10. I’m a professor at a major research university, but I just want to quit my job and write romance novels instead. My husband is super nice and supportive about it, but I’m afraid we aren’t disciplined enough to live on only one income.

  11. I’m afraid that I’ll never find a significant other, and end up broke, alone, and living off my family members.

  12. 1. I am an independent woman raising my daughter with little help from her dad. I work in an enviroment that is predominantly male and make very good money, especially considering I didn’t go to university. Despite all that, I still want to find a man who makes (a lot) more money than I do and can take care of me financially.

    2. Even though I have read ‘Millionaire Next Door’, I look down on the guys driving beaters, who can afford better, and drool just a little when I see a luxury car drive by.

  13. I just want a girl who can be where I’m at financially but every girl I meet who’s successful doesn’t want kids. Secretly, I would love to b a stay at home dad, but I’m the man and am always expected to bring home the dough.

  14. I did not pay bills for 6 months because I couldn’t. Now that I have a little extra from working a Christmas job, I am still holding off paying these debts until they make me a good settlement offer. I mean if my credit is already that damaged, there is no benefit to paying these bills back in full.
    BTW I do work full time, and could not afford anything because I take care of my boyfriend that has a health issue that prevents him from being able to work. And I do not make very good money myself, working at a non profit.

  15. I’m very scared that someday I’ll have to take care of my mother, who continues to make very poor financial and health decisions. She’s blown through $250K of my father’s life insurance in less than 3 years, is morbidly obese and eats very unhealthy, smokes like a chimney and coughs incessantly, lives with a loser guy who takes complete advantage of her (living rent free with very little contribution), eats out twice a week on a bank teller budget, etc. etc. My husband and I are extremely frugal and save all our extra pennies in trying to save for a modest home soon, but we are both afraid that we’ll have to take care of this woman who won’t take care of herself. I love her but there is only so much I can do!

  16. My in-law’s house is willed to both my husband and his brother; every now and then I think about how much easier life will be financially if/when my husband gets his share of his inheritance.

  17. I can’t hide my disgust when I see people in line at the grocery store buying name brand food with food stamps when my family only purchases “store” brand items to save money.

  18. My family hates me for the ‘tough love’ I give my kids regarding money decisions, but they also judge me for the mess I was in (and am still getting out of) that were a result of their enabling and their own bad financial decisions. I resent them for that and my kids will learn valuable lessons much earlier in life than I did.

    I am secretly glad of the fact that my ex husband isn’t in any better financial shape then when we were married, but now I have a paid for house and a $40K emergency fund.

  19. I get sick of preachy PF blogs, or people who yammer on and on about policy they truly don’t understand. It usually makes me want to flaunt my income and education.
    I also hate how trendy it is to blame corporations for making profit driven decisions and then gripe about how their stock portfolio and retirement savings are getting poor returns. Guess what? You want the returns and you, Average Joe (not the blogger!), drive the “greed” with your desire for yield and your consumer spending decisions. Somehow it’s “evil” for corporations to go bankrupt and not pay their debtors, but on a personal level it’s fine? What if the money was borrowed from you? Oh wait, it was, via your taxes or portfolio returns.
    /rant

  20. My girlfriend and I have bi-weekly budget/spending update meetings and are very open with our finances. However, I have been lying on mine for the last 3… I am struggling to keep two sets of books… one which I falsify to share with her and the second where I scramble to keep my actual account info. I have taken out a secret loan and have had to sneak around while keeping lies straight about which errands were ran which day…

    I feel awful lying to her but know that it will all be worthwhile next week when I PROPOSE!!!

  21. I steal money from the donation box at work because I haven’t gotten a raise in over 3 years at my underpaying job.

  22. i constantly compare my situation to PF bloggers, even though I’m nowhere near the same path.

    i also get SO frustrated when reading female PF bloggers. I always envision them as boring, preachy, know-it-all types.

  23. Sometimes I wish my husband would get laid off so we could take a vacation together, since he can’t take personal time off at his job. Sometimes I wish I would get laid off too so we could pack up and explore the world together.

    Then I think of our massive student loans and I’m glad we’re both employed. But then I wish that all the above would happen on the day we pay off our last student loan. Nothing to stop us then!

  24. I really want to get out of my CC debt, but I’m just not willing to give up my indulgences. I know I could put a lot more towards my debt, but I can’t make myself make that commitment.

  25. I just got hit with a $15K additional tax bill, no thanks to AMT (and my bad planning).

    I immediately google “how to cheat on your taxes”.

  26. I can’t stand my liberal friends. They all think they’re so morally superior. For some reason it was okay to trash talk President Bush but the minute someone criticizes President Obama they get all upset.

    I can’t tell anyone I feel this way though because I’m a woman of color who went to college on an affirmative action scholarship.

    • I don’t think being a “woman of color” has anything to do with your political stance on anything. I think you took advantage of a scholarship that was available to make your life better and easier. If you had not, someone else would have gotten the money. I don’t think Obama or Bush have anything to do with your scholarship. Speak your mind. =)

  27. I’m happy that my husband (and father of my six children) died suddenly. He was an ass, an alcoholic and abused at least two of the kids besides what I got. I believe our family is WAY better off now. I regret that I kept quiet and covered up his alcoholism and abusiveness, because now nobody believes me that “such a great guy” could have been so terrible behind closed doors. I think he got what he deserved.

  28. I want to be dead…but haven’t worked up the nerve to get this nasty little chore out of the way, yet.

    • You are NOT worthless! Please don’t harm yourself. You might not feel like it, but I’m sure that somewhere is a person who would be forever in anguish if they lost you. Please get help, change your situation, do just a little something to get your mind off your troubles. Maybe people aren’t reaching out to you because they don’t know you aren’t as strong as you look- don’t assume anything. Ask someone for help, don’t take it upon yourself to fix every problem in your life by yourself. I don’t even know you but I already feel desperate to help you, I know there must be someone you can turn to. I’ll be praying for you, so don’t give up!

    • I’m not sure what your situation is, and I cannot pretend to know what you are feeling, but there is nothing that is impossible to overcome. It might be hard, but going through rough times, or even a rough life as a whole, can make you a stronger person. The lessons you learn getting out of a low point can help others later who are in the same place that you are now. You can use whatever your heartache is for good. Please seek help. There is no such thing as hopeless – just the perception of hopelessness. You can fight this and you can win.

  29. As of the beginning of this year, I have stayed home with our two kids (I was happily employed but came back from maternity leave to a lesser position and it wasn’t worth the miniscule amount I took home after paying work related child care expenses). Before our second child was born, I applied to law school (to start in August). I was accepted and received a hefty scholarship.

    After spending so much time with my children, I am not sure I want to pursue law school anymore (which has been surprising – I have never envisioned myself as a stay at home mom). Of course, I will go through with my plans because I want to be able to provide a better life for my family, I just won’t be as happy as I am now.

  30. I don’t make enough money for my life. I hate that I live paycheck to paycheck even after cutting out ALL the fun things in life. I can barely afford $20 in “extravagant” once per week beers with my friends. I haven’t seen a movie in over 5 years. I cannot afford to buy clothes brand new. I haven’t bought a new pair of shoes in 2 years.

    I loathe my degree and that fact that I spent $40,000.00 getting nowhere and now I am simply a receptionist. I didn’t need a B.A. to do this and i wish I would have known this 5 years ago. It’s not getting better.

    • Def look for a new job! Don’t give up – Network! You can do it! It took me a long time (over a year), tons of companies turned me down….just keep going on those interviews and be confident! I finally got a great job and huge increase in pay!

  31. I wish my father would die so I could get some of the millions he has stashed away. He spent 18 years keeping us living below the poverty line while he made 100k+, telling me he was saving the money to pay for my college tuition. I turned 18, he divorced my mom, kept all the money to be a millionaire-next-door, and I ended up with 50k in loans instead of the paid for tuition I was promised. Actually, I wish he was dead even if I don’t get any of his money.

  32. Whenever I hear someone on tv or radio complain about the ‘predatory lenders’ who ‘took advantage’ of the ‘poor victims’ and coerced them into signing a loan agreement for a mortgage that they couldn’t afford, I roll my eyes.

    Every single one of the people who signed those mortgage papers was a legal adult, and is equally to blame for getting into a position where they held a mortgage they could not afford to pay off.

    Stop whining, stop blaming the banks and lenders – take responsibility for your own actions.

    I’m THRILLED about the housing collapse – it brought house prices down to only quasi-astronomical prices, and is the only reason I was able to buy a house.

    • Eh? Ultimately it was the banks who GAVE out those loans to unqualified borrowers because they were greedy. Then they got bailed out instead of facing the music.

      • I’m on board with “Evil?”. We purchased in July 2006, near the height of the market. We were offered about $65k more loan than we took because we weren’t greedy or trying to keep up with anyone. Just because someone “offers” you a crack pipe, doesn’t mean you have to smoke it. It’s your decision.

        The thought of people living beyond their means, and getting bailed out for making poor decisions, frustrates me. I have always lived conservative amidst people who spend lavishly, and watching them being excused from having to pay for their actions is criminal. I include the thought of bailing out people with student loans. You made your bed, sleep in it.

  33. I hate that my mother has spent her entire life falling ass backwards into money and has no prespective on how lucky she is to be able to live out her life without any financial worries. My grandfather and dad were kind enough to die and leave her buckets of money yet my mother spends most of her day whining about her first world problems and spending money on uneccessary items. It’s nearly impossible to convince her to spend money on important things, like getting the foundation of the house fixed or a proper fence to keep the dog in the yard. We’ve never got along and I suspect as a final $%#@ you to me, she will leave me her house which by (I suspect she will live to 100) that time will be ready to collapse on my head and be completely worthless.

  34. When I listen to a co-worker brag about her mother-in-law’s trips around the world (staying only in 5* hotels and flying first class, of course), it takes everything in me not to say that she’s living the high-life on her boyfriend’s dime, and the she must be able to suck a golfball through a hose.

  35. I’m jealous of my friend who quit her job without a new one lined up. Even if I hated mine, I could never do that because I’m afraid of being unemployed again.

  36. Even though DH and I are trying to get out of debt and make better choices with our money, a big part of me really wants to say screw it and go on a huge budget blow out vacation this summer. We won’t.

    Part of me also wants him to get laid off so that we can get the severance package. We’d get enough to pay off everything and bring us right side up on our house so we could move to wherever the wind takes us.

  37. I live in constant fear of being fired and just know that this will majorly f*** up our finances. I know that I work hard. But I also know that every mistake is document and criticized and is all I hear about. The people who report to me have figured out that it is better for their career to ignore me and go over me to the “wonderful boss” who in private to me has crapped on them. They blame me for not having jobs this summer but the truth is that I vouched for them, the ‘wonderful’ boss citied everything they did wrong, the big guy made his decision. And they are student interns whose job ends at graduation anyway. Once they are gone, everything will fall on me and I think they are waiting to see how badly I will fail then.

  38. I absolutely hate facebook. It drives me insane that I will post something about being excited about a new fundraiser, post pics of the kids, etc…. and only get 4 likes. Yet spastic and gossip mom next door will post that she “just cleaned the house and is exhausted but ‘yay me'” and get 27 likes. At that exact moment, I want to post the camera phone picture of the merry maids cleaning ladies yellow bug that is parked in her driveway.

  39. I won £8 million on the lottery gave it all away to charity and never told my husband – I like our life the way it is.

    • Really? That is hard to believe. Not sure how it works in the UK but here in the states you would have huge tax implications (charitable donations deductions) and it would take hiring a lawyer to keep your name private. I just don’t see how this could be kept from a spouse.

      Color me skeptical.

      • In the Uk lottery wins are entirely tax free and your privacy is guaranteed.

        And camelot the lottery company can arrange the charity donation for you if you wish, although their are no tax issues with doing it yourself. I used camelot to help protect my anonymity even further.

  40. I have been unemployed since May of last year, and have looking for work since, I am over qualified for most of the jobs here in FLA. I collect no unemployment, lost my case hearing (don’t ever work for Brighthouse cable people…) I have a daughter who has 3 classes left to get her Psych Degree with a double minor in English and Philosophy. I have been a single parent for all 20 of her 21 years with no support from ex husband. I owe her university ( a private college I never should have agreed to but know it was the best decision at the time) 14,000$. She is working two jobs just to keep a roof over her head, food in her belly and gas in her car. She has done everything she was supposed to do, she has been a model student, wonderful daughter, all around excellent person, far better than I ever was at her age. I feel I have failed her as a parent, walking in to college I told her “You just worry about being the best you, the best student you can be, let me worry about everything else” She did what I asked her to, now a collection agency is calling her about her tuition debt, her credit is being affected, and I feel like she is being punished for my lack of employment and me being unprepared for her college costs and an emergency fund. I feel absolutely awful. She has taken off almost a year of school because they won’t let her reenroll till balance is paid off. I have awful credit and no one to borrow the money from and she can’t because she has maxed out her student loan ability and doesn’t make enough to cover a personal loan. She has never blamed me for any of this and we have a wonderful relationship, It’s just heartbreaking that my child is being punsihed for my idiocy. Sorry so long, had to get it off my chest

    • I hope that you and/or your daughter has gone to the university’s Financial Aid office… it can be a very intimidating situation, but they really are there to help. These people go through a TON of training and really do want to help people acheive their dreams!! Best of luck!!

    • Is she not eligible for scholarships or grants? There are TONS of scholarships available. Even at $500 or $100 each…if she applies to EVERY ONE she is eligible for, she’s bound to get some of them.

      And I second the suggestion of going to the Financial Aid office. They are not the enemy. Best of luck!

  41. My husband and I are fiscally conservative people who are doing very well, with two good salaries, a house that should be paid off at the end of the year, lots of money in the bank and investments. All this is sort of because we make good decisions and good money choices…but there is a part of me that thinks it is because we chose not to have kids.

    I get so tired of hearing people I know with THREE kids whining about how hard things are and how expensive childcare is, and all the things their kids need…blah blah blah. And they buy these enormous cars, in which they could transport an entire soccer team, but they don’t. And they eat out a lot becasuse they are “too tired to cook.” And I just want to say, “Look, having those kids was YOUR CHOICE. So SHUTTUP about the financial hit.” Cause, what was wrong with having one kid…or none? Or having a litter if that’s what you want, but accepting that they cost money and will affect your cost of living?

    • It’s like you read my mind, Anon! We don’t have kids either (by choice), and we really believe we’re financially better off because of that decision. More than once, various friends of mine that have kids have said to me “must be nice to be able to afford a vacation”, or “must be nice to be able to buy new furniture”. You chose to have kids, so deal with it, and don’t make me out to be the bad guy because I’m not going to commiserate with you.

  42. I wish my sister and I hadn’t given my mom part of my dad’s money when he died, because just a few months after his death, she was chasing some other guy.

    I resent my brother-in-law for not giving us a wedding gift last year.

  43. I’m going to take a low interest balance transfer from a credit card so I have enough money to buy guns, ammunition, dehydrated food, water, and other supplies I think I’ll need for the fast approaching collapse of the US dollar that I believe will happen in the next 3-36 months.

  44. I think about my inheritance way more than I let on.
    I am making plans to quit my job and start a new career in a field I (hopefully) love.
    I want kids and a stable life … I want it ALL … but never thought I could have it until I started (in a healthy-selfish-way) thinking about myself instead of others.

    • It’s called a gift. (Sure not everyone but sometimes the person with the phone, isn’t the same persont that paid for it). Also I got mine for $127. Renewal and discounts. Now who can’t save $127 over 2 years (length of contract)

  45. I really wish my brother and his family would show more interest and/or respect for my husband and kids. They’re wonderful — but because they’re different from my brother’s family, Bro and wife often ‘forget’ to ask about them, or show any interest at all. We’ve endured two family weddings where we were generally ignored or pushed into the corner. Fortunately, we live some 1000 miles away from them, so only have to do deal with this directly on rare occasions. (I’ve been back to visit them – and my mom – at least 1-3 times a year; they haven’t come to see us for at least 6 1/2 years.)
    I love my brother. I love my sister-in-law. It really hurts me that they would be this callous and uncaring about the people I love. Yet the few times I’ve spoken up to protest, they look at me as if I was totally nuts and making it all up. Maddening.

  46. My fiance wants me to quit my job and spend my time volunteering and doing other things that actually make me happy because what I bring home in a week is what he can bring home in less than a day. I’m sticking to my guns though and keeping my job until I can pay off my own student loans and car, it’s a matter of pride and I feel good about it, but you can bet your ass that the very second that my financial obligations are clear I’ll take him up on his offer.

  47. My husband has selfishly spent every cent we have. In almost ten years of marriage, we have lost a business we started because he “won’t do work he doesn’t like”. As a result, we have had to return everything we purchased on payments. He refuses to go back to work with someone else, and after years of unemployment (his choice), he has finally taken a job after we have used up every single cent in savings that we have.

    I want to leave him, but my son dotes on him. Plus, I know for a fact he will walk away from our house mortgage – our last debt together. I am only staying long enough for him to think leaving this marriage is his idea.

  48. I used to get so angry when women in my family and social circle who never wanted kids got pregnant by accident. My husband and I have tried to conceive for a few years with no success. God taught us a lot through this pain and process. Now we have come to accept that we might not ever be able to have children, have learned to be genuinely happy for those who can and we are currently saving to adopt. It is so wonderful not to be a slave to anger, bitterness and resentment anymore.

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