Things I want to punch in the face: Single People.

Okay, before you burn me at the stake, let me clarify I don’t want to punch all single people in the face. No, just the annoying desperate single people who remind me everyday on Facebook and twitter that they haven’t yet found the love of their life. I get that you may have been single for a few years now. I also get that you would probably prefer to be swept off your feet by Mr/Ms Right sooner rather than later. But please, for the love of all that is good, stop sharing your lackluster love life with the world.

Here are just two such examples of Facebook posts that have recently polluted my feed:

and…

Or how about the million tweets I’ve seen that go something like “OMG super cute guy just walked by. :::squeals::: Really hope he comes and talks to me.”

No. No. No. You want to how to get that guy to talk to you? Approach him and start a conversation. Weird huh? Tweeting to a bunch of random strangers about some fantasy love affair you are having with a guy that “just walked by” will pretty much ensure you stay single for at least a few more years.

“That girl’s desperation is totally sexy”

– Said no one ever. 

Now before you go off and accuse me of “not understanding” single life because I am married, let me remind you that from my senior year of high school, all the way until my senior year of college, I was 100% single. Not one girlfriend. Heck, not even one prospect. Not only had I not had a girlfriend for that four-year stint, but I hadn’t kissed anyone during that time either.

College is supposed to be one’s dating prime, right? 

I get wanting to be in a relationship, I really do. But if you aren’t comfortable/confident in yourself as a single individual you aren’t ready to be in a relationship. In fact, the only thing more annoying than a status update from a desperate single person, is a status update from a desperate ex-single person who has found themselves in a new relationship. You know those status updates I posted above? Well she’s got a new boyfriend and now I get updates like this on my news feed:


Glad homegirl found happiness, but come on I don’t need a status update every day about how much you love the guy you’ve known for 72 hours. I’m not so convinced she actually likes this guy as much as she just likes not having to be single anymore. Anyone else get that impression?

Being single is not a disease nor should it be your identity. If your status updates and tweets make it seem like your love life (or lack thereof) is your primary concern I want to challenge you to use a different metric to measure your worth….or at the very least do yourself a favor and delete your Facebook 🙂

19 thoughts on “Things I want to punch in the face: Single People.

  1. I think you just want to punch your one friend!

    I agree, though, that continually single people tend to not appreciate how much work/not-luck goes into “finding” and dating a good partner. It doesn’t just drop into your lap – you have to make it happen!

  2. Oh and not to mention all of the pictures they post, including their profile picture, are of the 2 of them. As soon as they breakup, everything gets deleted and you hear about it for months.

  3. I’ve got 1 FB friend that I’m contemplating deleting because I’m so sick of reading her “OMG, he’s the best man EVER!!” … it’s really getting out of hand. I’m happy she appears to have found “the one”, but, IMO, the constant status updates gushing about him just shows her immaturity.

    • I know exactly what you mean. “Someone loves you. WE GET IT!!!” Now quit posting every nice thing he has ever done and post pictures of all the flowers he sends you. For the love of god!

  4. In FB’s case, you have requested that you have access to their personal pages, which are arguably the most personal thing they’ve ever put online. You literally asked for it 🙂 And you went for the gusto… The examples posted seem to be 20 something females who aren’t exactly known for their reserved characters and exemplary stoism.

    Maybe you meant: I want to thank outspoken young women in social media for reminding me that I’m done with the single life.

  5. This is seriously annoying! However I hate “male” (i know stereotyping) desperation just as much!
    “Getting smashed tonight”
    “Where the party at?”
    “So hungover”

  6. Sounds like you just find her annoying all around. You can unscubscribe to her feeds on FB. Sounds like your healthiest option.

  7. I have way, way to many friends that really need to read this. I am single, but I am not one of those crazy “I need a girlfriend to be happy and find myself” people. I’ll find her when it is the right time.

  8. Ninja, I think I love you. This post is one of the reasons that I deleted FB.

    When one is constantly boasting about how amazing their SO is…I often wonder who they are trying to convince?

  9. Agreed. To be honest, whenever I see girls on FB overdoing it with the posts of “I love you soo much,” “Thanks honey for the surprise roses,” etc., I wonder how their relationship is really doing. When you’re happy with each other, there’s no need to broadcast things over social media, plus less time to even write on those things when you’re with each other.

  10. How do you get away with these posts, man? If I write something like this, I get toasted! Maybe it’s because you’re married and you’re allowed to dis the single ladies, or maybe I just need more followers. I feel so alone out here on the web. ::sigh:: I think I’ll just go post about my loneliness on fb and twitter and then eat a pint of ice cream. Oh well.
    ::SMACK!::
    Ow!

  11. Ha! People and relationships on Facebook is an interesting mix, some people you are super excited for the relationshoips, others I hide updates from. It’s all about the balance.

    As for being single, definitely just talk. You can’t start anything without a hello.

  12. You don’t want to punch single people, you want to punch *annoying* people.

    And “Chris Brown music videos”? That’s a romantic couple activity? Creepy. That guy is a mysogynist woman-beating abusive ass who should be in prison!

  13. you know who I want to punch in the face? people who complain about what their “friends” post on facebook. If you don’t like what they have to say you’ve got quite a few options – 1) don’t read it; 2) hide their status updates; 3) unfriend; 3) be more selective about the friend requests you accept in the first place; 3) get a life, get off the computer and spend time with people you enjoy.

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