Things I want to punch in the face: Facebookers

March 9, 2011 · 34 comments

facebook poke

I’ve blogged a handful of times now about things I want to punch in the face, but nothing, I mean NOTHING bothers me more than than annoying Facebookers. When I log on to Facebook I’m generally trying to do three things, 1) Creep on peoples’ walls, 2) Creep peoples’ pictures, and 3) See what’s happening on my news feed. Here are a list of things I don’t want to see on Facebook…

My parents being more active than me:

Dad Ninja, as far as I know, doesn’t have Facebook. Mom Ninja joined a few weeks ago. I’m not gonna lie, I was pretty weirded out when she joined the cult. Fortunately, she’s pretty low key. She’s not friend requesting the bageezus out of my friends. She’s not writing on my wall. And she’s not commenting on my pictures. As long as momz keeps it on the down low, I got no problem.

Facebook gamers:

Holy guacamole, no joke, if I see another freakin’ post about someone buying pigs on farmville, dealing drugs in mafia wars, and getting a new high score in bejeweled, I’ll punch a baby walrus. Facebook should be about friend requesting people you met one time at a party, not playing a bunch of stupid games.

News Feed Pollution:

I’m creating a new rule; If you status update more than three times an hour, I can no longer be your friend. There is no way your life is so important we need to know everything about everything. Here’s what I’m talking about…

Annoying New Mom 12:50 pm: Oh my gosh, my baby just farted. It was so funny. He’s pretty much the cutest baby ever. Baby farts for the win.

Annoying New Mom 12:53 pm: My baby is eating food now. Mom said he should have breast milk, but I was too tired and I’m kinda sore so I gave him Cheetos instead. Lolz.

Annoying New Mom 12:57 pm: Time to put the little guy down for a nap. I’m so worn out. Being a mom is way more work than I ever thought. Good thing I can whine about it on Facebook.

I’ve removed many a people from my Facebook friend list after misuse of status updates. Every TV show experienced, every weather condition observed, and every meal eaten need not be the subject of a status update. Consider yourself warned.

Poke me and die:

Self explanatory.

There are about a million other Facebook commandments I can think of. Don’t tag me if I’m in the background of one of your pictures. Don’t Facebook chat me every time I log on. Don’t invite me to your “hey guys I lost my phone, need your numbers” group. I can literally feel me blood boiling. AHHHHH!!!! Okay, time to go check my Facebook :)

What are your facebook commandments? What do your friends do that irritates you? Why is facebook so annoying and so addicting!?

To see the other things I want to punch in the face click here.

If you would like to be considered for a “Things I want to punch in the face” guest post get in touch with me and hopefully we can work something out. Only rules are it has to be funny and you have to be passionate.