Things I want to punch in the face: Facebookers

March 9, 2011 · 34 comments

facebook poke

I’ve blogged a handful of times now about things I want to punch in the face, but nothing, I mean NOTHING bothers me more than than annoying Facebookers. When I log on to Facebook I’m generally trying to do three things, 1) Creep on peoples’ walls, 2) Creep peoples’ pictures, and 3) See what’s happening on my news feed. Here are a list of things I don’t want to see on Facebook…

My parents being more active than me:

Dad Ninja, as far as I know, doesn’t have Facebook. Mom Ninja joined a few weeks ago. I’m not gonna lie, I was pretty weirded out when she joined the cult. Fortunately, she’s pretty low key. She’s not friend requesting the bageezus out of my friends. She’s not writing on my wall. And she’s not commenting on my pictures. As long as momz keeps it on the down low, I got no problem.

Facebook gamers:

Holy guacamole, no joke, if I see another freakin’ post about someone buying pigs on farmville, dealing drugs in mafia wars, and getting a new high score in bejeweled, I’ll punch a baby walrus. Facebook should be about friend requesting people you met one time at a party, not playing a bunch of stupid games.

News Feed Pollution:

I’m creating a new rule; If you status update more than three times an hour, I can no longer be your friend. There is no way your life is so important we need to know everything about everything. Here’s what I’m talking about…

Annoying New Mom 12:50 pm: Oh my gosh, my baby just farted. It was so funny. He’s pretty much the cutest baby ever. Baby farts for the win.

Annoying New Mom 12:53 pm: My baby is eating food now. Mom said he should have breast milk, but I was too tired and I’m kinda sore so I gave him Cheetos instead. Lolz.

Annoying New Mom 12:57 pm: Time to put the little guy down for a nap. I’m so worn out. Being a mom is way more work than I ever thought. Good thing I can whine about it on Facebook.

I’ve removed many a people from my Facebook friend list after misuse of status updates. Every TV show experienced, every weather condition observed, and every meal eaten need not be the subject of a status update. Consider yourself warned.

Poke me and die:

Self explanatory.

There are about a million other Facebook commandments I can think of. Don’t tag me if I’m in the background of one of your pictures. Don’t Facebook chat me every time I log on. Don’t invite me to your “hey guys I lost my phone, need your numbers” group. I can literally feel me blood boiling. AHHHHH!!!! Okay, time to go check my Facebook :)

What are your facebook commandments? What do your friends do that irritates you? Why is facebook so annoying and so addicting!?

To see the other things I want to punch in the face click here.

If you would like to be considered for a “Things I want to punch in the face” guest post get in touch with me and hopefully we can work something out. Only rules are it has to be funny and you have to be passionate.

1 Blue Shoe

These days I mainly use FB for sharing pictures, interesting links, and promoting my blog. But yeah, there are a lot of rather annoying features, these days.

2 First Gen American

I was actually thinking of deleting my personal account. It’s getting kind of creepy and there are people friend requesting me that I don’t want to accept.

If you’re a girl, the annoying thing is creepy guy from high school that’s trying to be your friend…or better yet, people who aren’t your friends but are friend requesting you.

3 Tom

As a guy, I don’t get creepy girls contacting me, but…

I just had a friend message me who I haven’t talked to in two years. She says that she wants to send me something in the mail. I allready know what it is: she wants to be a campus missionary and will be asking me for money. I think FB creates the illusion that you are close friends and thus can ask me for money. I think I’m going to pretend that I didn’t get her message…

4 Kim

I think that’s what killed MySpace.

5 Beckey & Jeff

I just block all games, don’t accept friend requests from people I’m not actually friends with or related too, block annoying family so I don’t see them on my wall and that pretty much cleans up the mess. I’ve considered deleting my FB account but I’ve managed to reconnect with former bff’s who had moved out of state and I don’t want to lose that again. Since we are expecting our first child this August and my brother lives in KY now, I’ve been posting pictures for them to see, it is easier than mailing them to him and his wife.

6 Larry

I don’t (and won’t) use it. But I have seen “The Social Network.”

7 Mo D.

All of the friends I have on FB are people I know or are related to; one person requested me as a friend because we have the same name; she’s been ignored. My Mom’s on FB… that was kinda weird to see her name pop up when she requested me as a friend, but she abides by the “keep it on the down low” rule. All of my cousins on have FB accounts, so it’s a quick and easy way to keep up with all the goings-on in the family. My husband doesn’t have a FB account.

I refuse to do any of the games, and yes, I get annoyed when I read that a cow’s wondered onto Pete’s farm… I… don’t… care!! I’ve got a couple friends that get verbal diarrhea and post every thought that comes into their head. I also don’t like being tagged in photos… I usually untag them.

8 Mercedes

You can block those game updates. I had friends that would play for hours and have post after post of what they bought, what they traded, what they needed to build their barn…. If you go to that particular post on your wall, and hover over the right hand side of it I think an “X” comes up and you click on it and it gives you the option to not show those kinds of updates.

I think I visit facebook about once a week now, and it’s typically to check up on family that live out of state. I’ve made it is clear as I could to all of my friends that mean anything to me that if they have an “update” they want me to know about, that they should give me a call. and if it was something they posted on facebook, I most likely missed it….

9 Mo D.

Thanks for the blocking tip, Mercedes! :-)

10 Kevin @ Thousandaire.com

I stopped using facebook when I graduated college. Now it’s just a shameless tool for me to promote my blog posts every day.

11 Kristen

It drives me nuts when people use quotes or song lyrics as their status.

12 Allison

Oh, the song lyrics! Why? Why do they do that? If you don’t have anything to say, just don’t post to FB. I don’t want to hear what Jason Mraz has to say on your behalf.

13 Joe C Skrizel

here is my list of “Things i want to punch in the face”

1. Facebook – how about you talk to your friends in real life, this isnt Neo and the Matrix
2. Smart Phone users – Seriously… checking your phone is more important that talking to the person you are with at that moment??? or are you so self absorbed that you cant focus on anything other than what you want for a second to engage in an adult conversation with another human being without updating your FB status or where you are on foursquare
3. traffic – it really sucks
4. reality TV – surviror, race shows, the crap (jersey) shore, any housewives show, etc. stop, really, stop the garbage its awful
5. Not eating produce fast enough – it sucks when food goes bad because you forgot about a bag of carrots in the fridge
6. Tough guys at the Gym – wow nice 80’s golds gym tank top, you may want to lay off the bench press and curls and workout your legs so you dont fall over and try some cardio so you dont huff and puff going up the stairs
7. Complaining – Stop it – only you can prevent forest fires or what every you are complaining about
8. other peoples kids – the only person who cares about your kids is you and your family. Period.
9. Skater Clothes and skinny jeans – Who ever though to combined skinny tight jeans that have to large a waist so they have to “sag” should be punched in the face with a skateboard
10. debt – Student loans, young and frivoulous credit card spending, and unnessessary car debt. Punch. Face.

Have a good Thursday – Skrizel

14 Justin

My mom once posted the following on my facebook wall (poor grammar/punctuation included, nevermind the fact that she’s an English teacher), and I was not able to get to a computer and delete it until after several of my friends had already texted me to make fun of me:

“Hey Justin I wish you’d pick up your damn phone, it’s not like I need to hear from you every day but Daddy and I worry about you. Did you ever talk to a therapist?”

She claimed she thought she was sending a private message…takes a pretty poorly-versed facebook user to make that mistake, and judging by the fact that she, too, posts at least once an hour (yes, primarily about PigVille or whatever), she probably knows better. Parents on facebook: punch.

15 Rachel

I hate it when friends (and especially family) who disagree with me politically (and know we disagree politically) feel the need to pick a fight over politics on Facebook. I had to block some people this year because anytime I posted anything the slightest bit political, it turned into a flame war on my wall with people posting 5 times an hour. (No joke.) :(

16 Jenny_Dee

I solved the problem by rarely logging in and only for 3 minutes at a time. I wanted to delete my account, but then a friend’s mom friended me (yes, creepy, but I do know her) and it was literally the day I was going to nuke my account. I felt kinda weird about deleting the account right after she friended me, but it’s not like I ever post anything. I scan to see if anything’s relevant, and usually not, so then I log off. I do the same with twitter.

17 JBlue

I decided the best way to avoid all the creepiness, unwanted requests and updates was to delete my account. I don’t miss it one bit. Don’t Facebook me, bro!

18 Kaye

I use it strictly to keep up with people I actually know or have been friends with at some point in my life. Some of those I drop after realizing via FB that we no longer have anything in common.

I also hide the game updates.

Also…the text speak drives me INSANE! I understand why people did it when using a standard phone as a keyboard, but now that people have qwerty keyboards on their phones or smart phones, I have on idea why people don’t just type out words. I don’t bother trying to interpret that crap…I just delete them as a friend.

I typically check it once a day and am amazed how may of my friends have seemingly nothing to do with their day.

19 krantcents

I do grow tired with requests (events, new friends etc). I joined because my ex roommate from school asked me. Now I use Facebook/Fan Page to help promote my blog. I am still not used to this form of social networking!

20 Lola

I have but one facebook commandment: “Thou Shalt Not Join Facebook.” At first it sounded like fun but I didn’t join because there was a lot of pressure to friend your coworkers and then personal info was being used not so professionally at work. I wanted to avoid the hassle. Now I don’t join because I’ve heard a hundred facebook horror stories and it annoys me that the ONLY way some people want to communicate is via facebook. Why just last week I found out that a relative who I haven’t seen in years will be in town in a few days and wants to “get together with everyone” here. But am I worth a phonecall? No. An email? Apparently not. I heard it from my brother who heard it from his wife who saw it on another relatives facebook page. And I am expected to show up? Seriously?

21 Tom

“it annoys me that the ONLY way some people want to communicate is via facebook”

I had the same issue a while back. A friend of mine was having her wedding and invited many people through a facebook group invite. I was going to go until my Dad told me that it wasn’t a real invitation and that it was the same as telling the office about your wedding (i.e. You can come, but please don’t). Well now I found out that she was really using Facebook as a main source of invitations and I think she’s mad a me for not coming.

22 Clare

AMEN to the new mom Facebook statuses. One of the biggest reasons I love this blog:

http://stfuparents.tumblr.com/

23 LaTisha @FSYAonline

Funny! As much as we all love to hate Facebook, it’s still a huge part of marketing, especially for us bloggers.

24 Kim

This post is exactly why I keep coming back! Esp. the new Mom post. I hid game & annoying-friend status updates. …And then there’s the family drama that unfolds, bleh! My SIL posted scandalous things on FB, which I of course showed my husband, and he told his Mom…full circle later, I was unfriended by SIL!Not that I really miss her scandalousness, I’ve got Charlie Sheen for that!

25 Sara

My dad is also on Facebook, but he’s WAY more active than I am and even knows about things sooner than me. On Christmas Eve, he was the one who knew our cousin broke up with her boyfriend, because he saw the status updates a couple days prior! lol. What I hate about Facebook – people who want to be your “friend” even though you may have been straight up enemies in real life. I had someone from middle/high school try to add me who I literally was trying to beat up with a group of girls in 8th grade (we never succeeded because he ran too fast & then complained to the school security, but that’s another story). Maybe his friend request was his way of saying “I forgive you!” ;)

26 Sara

Oh and someone else’s comment reminded me that I hate when people say “didn’t you see my facebook update?” NO, I DIDN’T, and that shouldn’t count as a way to alert your true friends about important things like getting engaged or being pregnant. I seriously had to call one of my best friends after she got engaged to her long-time boyfriend and say “you updated your facebook but you couldn’t text me?! I have been waiting for you to get engaged for 6 years, I at least deserve a text!!!”

27 SS4BC

As a Facebook game player, if you’re annoyed, BLOCK THE APPLICATION. It is REALLY easy and then you don’t have to see those posts anymore. Problem solved.

28 Stephanie

Yeah, when games pop up on my news feed, I just click the x and tell it to block the application.

29 Evan

Ninja,

1st and Last warning…don’t talk shit about bejeweled!

30 Ninja

I’m willing to lose a reader over this…I HATE BEJEWELED!

31 Evan

Well then sir I hate you! LOL

32 Melisssa

Love it or hate it, it’s a good way to share photos of events and happenings with friends and family. It’s also an excellent place to post and manage events for alumni functions. I’ve had it since it had only a few thousand users – not long after its creation and I’m not going to delete my account anytime soon. Yeah, there’s certainly some people I’d like to punch in the face, but I can save myself from assault charges and just as easily remove them from my news feed.

33 B-Kat

When I started on Facebook I only friended people that I would go for coffee with in real life. Then it all got ruined by family that I couldn’t say no to because it would look bad. I have them all on ignore but they are still there like creepers in the background.
I hate farmville requests – ignored
I hate horoscopes – ignored
I hate song lyrics – ignored
I hate multiple updates during a sporting event. Just put down your phone and watch the freaking game. – ignored
Children under 12 should not be on facebook, too many wierdo’s, privacy settings wide open. What is wrong with parents?
What I do like…Great pictures and events that can be planned without tons of phone calls. i.e. drinks after work this Thursday!

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