Things I want to punch in the face: Black Licorice

Okay kiddos. At the request one of my loyal Canadian readers, it’s time I go on another rant. This time we mean serious business. Do you remember my post about how much I hate cats? Well, if you multiplied my disdain for fury felines by eleventy-billion, that would be how much I hate black licorice.

Seriously, is there anyone in the world that likes this stuff? Every now and again, I feel a little risky and take my taste buds on a little adventure. Recently, this involved accepting the challenge of a friend to eat black licorice. I knew I didn’t like the stuff, but I hadn’t tried it in years. “Maybe my taste buds have matured?” I thought to myself. I use to hate broccoli, but now I love it, so perhaps black licorice would be similar?

WRONG!

The stuff seriously tastes like an amalgamation of horse vomit, baby forehead sweat, and three-day old underwear. It’s just gross. Period. End of story.

Even if by some freak chance you enjoy the taste of black licorice, what the heck makes you think other people are going to? If I liked to drink my own urine you wouldn’t want me to offer you a glass, would you? No? Didn’t think so. Keep your licorice to yourself.

I can’t believe these disgusting sticks of distgustingness have infiltrated the candy aisle. They have no right sitting next to such delicious treats as Reese’s Pieces and the oh-so-famous Snickers bar.

You can’t put a bunch of maggot feces in a bag, label it Maggot-O’s, and stick it in the candy aisle can you? Why is black licorice not required to meet the same level of tasty deliciousness that all other candies must? It’s a conspiracy I tell you, a conspiracy!

Man, I’m in a bad mood now. Haha, never knew my hate for something could be so strong. Other food items that make me want to projectile vomit all over myself are; warm pineapple (whoever decided to start putting this amazing fruit on pizza should be shot), bacon (seriously the grossest looking food I’ve ever seen, ever), and olives (oh gosh, don’t get me started on olives).

Do you like black licorice? What foods do you absolutely hate with a passion?

p.s. Girl Ninja likes black licorice. Grounds for separation?

49 thoughts on “Things I want to punch in the face: Black Licorice

  1. Two things:

    1. I like black licorice. I love olives. And bacon is amazing. Warm pineapple… not so much.
    2. That second drawing is one of your best. Freaking hilarious. You should start Tumblr blog (like at punchdebtintheface.tumblr.com) or something that just contains your drawings. That way they’ll all be in one place.

    Have you tried Brussels sprouts recently? Those are gag-reflex-inducing for me. They taste the way BO smells. Also, I hate sushi. And every other type of object that has ever lived in the sea.

    • Then your Brussels sprouts have been boiled too long or otherwise overcooked. This mushy, sulfurous taste is true of any vegetable in the cabbage family that’s been overdone. I suggest just trimming the outer leaves and stems, and cooking them slowly whole in olive oil for 10 minuites with a little S+P and fresh minced garlic, until they’re lightly browned and heated through.

      As for seafood, just hand over to me your portion of lobster.

  2. I like black licorice, bacon, olives, and my favorite pizza topping combo is pepperoni and pineapple 🙂 Hmm maybe I should put all those ingredients on a pizza!

  3. My wife likes black licorice, but I hate it the same as you. Horse vomit is an apt description. Does Girl Ninja like to eat it and then try to kiss you? I have to deal with that. Ick!

  4. Methinks we’re starting to scrape the bottom of the barrel for topics . . . . 😉

    I like:bacon, but it must be crisp so the fat is rendered out.
    I do not like olives, black licorice, clams, or oysters.

    I also like watermelon, lamb, cherries, and green seedless grapes. Can we have a thread on watermelon? Or one on why good fresh pineapple is so hard to find on the East Coast?

  5. Black licorice is my absolute favourite ‘sweet’! I can’t stand the red stuff…ick. But black licorice is worth forgoing any other candy/icecream/dessert………..YUM!!

    I like olives, and pineapple on my pizza or in a stirfry or warm pineapple in pineapple upside down cake. Bacon -cooked to a crisp – yummm! Canadian bacon preferred.

    OTOH, I cannot abide shellfish of any kind (oysters in particular are like chewing plastic bags with rotting jelly inside); cooked spinach on its own (cooked into something like lasagna is fine, or raw is great, but as a slimey green mush as a veggie side – bleck!); lamb or veal (eating babies is just gross); but the absolute worst, most vomiting inducing food – a runny egg – GROSS! And some horrid people (DH) then put catsup on it….I leave the table.

    • If I may say a word about spinach: Like watermelon, spinach is largely water. To avoid slimey green mush, I’d suggest using baby spinach that still has very small stems. Rinse it quickly in cold water and put it in a ceramic or stainless pot with just the water clinging to the leaves. (Never aluminum – spinach reacts with that metal and it develops an off taste.) Season your spinach with a little salt and fresh nutmeg. Cover your pot and turn the heat to maximum. Turn the heat off when the spinach has wilted literally 90% in volume but is still a bright emerald green. Now drain the spinach on paper towels to eliminate any further moisture. Finish with a little butter stirred in. Let me know what you think.

  6. HAHAHA!! Look what this loyal Canadian reader started; thanks Ninja!! Food… now you’re talking my language!! I LOATHE black licorice as much as brussel sprouts… BLECH!! When my sister and I were kids, Mom put 3 brussel sprouts on our plates and said we couldn’t leave the dinner table until we finished them; we each tried 1/2 of one, said we didn’t like them, gagged & choked, but she said we had to eat them… we stayed sitting at the table until 9pm until Mom sent us to bed…. SCORE ONE FOR THE KIDS!!

    I must admit, pineapple, pepperoni and crispy bacon on my pizza is my FAVOURITE combo! Veal and lamb gross me out. I like cheese on pizza, lasagna, and looove cheesecake, but a piece of cheese on my sandwich makes me want to hurl!

    • I don’t eat cheese on my sandwiches either! But I’ll eat cheese all day long and on anything else, just not a cold sandwich.

    • Cheese on a sandwich is one of the nastiest things ever…I always ask for no cheese on my sub sandwich and people look at me funny…but it’s seriously gross.

  7. I also have a spouse who loves black licorice, also black jelly beans. But I love pinapple on my pizza (I got that from my dad). I do hate shrimp, though, they look like cockroaches from the sea.

  8. Well, I love black licorice and (especially) olives, but I ALWAYS amaze my friends and acquaintances when I start ranting about just how much I hate miniature golf. Really, I really really really really HATE it. I do NOT understand why anyone can consider it to be fun or something other than the biggest, most annoying waste of time.

  9. Thats the good thing with rants some people will agree with you and others wont. I am not a fan of black licorice but there are a lot of things I eat that people just can’t stand so I have to watch my words simply because some people love this stuff. Im with Rebecca not a shrimp fan at all and I get looks like I just shot someone when I say it.

  10. I love love black licorice..although, you can’t eat too much of it…or unpleasant things happen, gastro-wise. I also like anise flavored cookies. Yum!

  11. I hate black licorice too. Or anything licorice flavored (absinthe). Blegh. When we had Japanese exchange students we always had them try black licorice because their faces were so funny and they were too polite to spit it out. We’re terrible people.

    I don’t like brussels sprouts either, but they’re not as bad as licorice. For the most part there are not many foods I hate, but there are a lot I’d rather not eat (pork, BBQ anything, cooked carrots, beets, marshmallows, etc.). I’m pretty sure I can choke down most things to be polite though. Even tripe and raw lamb. Bleh.

  12. I really don’t like black licorice either. I dislike it a lot! I also dislike cilantro, which I’ve read about it that either a person loves it or hates it, there’s no acquired taste on that one. To me, cilantro is like eating soap flavored grass.

    I don’t like fresh tomatoes. I’ll eat them stewed, cooked, juiced and/or made into ketchup, but not fresh at all!

  13. I came to the comments assuming I’d find you had a riot on your hands with that bacon dig. Bacon lovers are serious and omnipresent. (I happen to be one of them.) You are very lucky no one’s uprising against you right now, Ninj. 😛

    Now, Denny’s recent “Baconalia” fest, on the other hand, took it a bit too far. Their delightful bacon-sprinkled special menu items were dead to me the instant I saw they were also featuring a bacon maple sundae. I kid you not. I actually got a free coupon for the thing and still refused to consider it. And if you knew anything about me and my love of free shite (and bacon), you’d know how seriously gross that sundae must have been.

  14. Dude! I get the feeling that you do not really care for the taste of black licorice. That’s fine. But to not even want it to be in the candy aisle for others to enjoy? Harsh! Live and let live. That’s why God made chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry. He wants us all to be happy. Peace out.

  15. Black licorice is hit or miss with me. I can’t eat it straight, but licorice snaps or good n plenty I can totally eat. I’m also with you on the olive hating thing and the pinapple on pizza thing. Yuck! However, I love bacon.

    Other things I can’t stand/eat:
    Asparagus, it is the most bitter, disgusting thing in the world. Though I have read that some people’s taste buds react oddly to asparagus, hence the bitter flavor.

    Tofu: Its a texture thing, I can’t stand the squishiness of it. By that same token, I also can’t eat soggy bread, like in an Italian Beef, or bread pudding.

    Veal: Never liked the taste, had it once as a kid and haven’t tried it since. Not going to because its a baby.

    My husband won’t eat any produce that is watery: Tomatoes, watermelon, cantalope, honeydew, makes him gag, just like the tofu/soggy bread/bread pudding issue I have.

    • I feel like I’m turning into the Food Network.

      Asparagus: the thinner the stalks, the sweeter. It can be bitter, but that’s more pronounced with the white variety than the green. Stay away from the canned; it’s like mush.

      Tofu: it has no flavor of its own, but the Chinese make it in a variety of textures ranging from very soft to quite firm. I like it in Chinese cooking along with some ground pork in hot chile sauce with garlic.

      Veal: the best is milk-fed and the lightest in color; though people sensitive to animal rights feel that those calves are the most mistreated. I can’t help it; it is my favorite meat. Please try it again!

      • LOL on the Food Network comment.

        As to aparagus, I try it when it is served to me, but it all still tastes the same, so I’m not going to make it myself, what a waste of money!

        As to tofu, I have lived in Japan twice, trust me, I’m a connoisseur of all kinds of tofu and I’ve choked down my fair share. The blandness doesn’t bother me, it is a texture thing. The only version I can tolerate without having a gag reflex is the extra firm tofu that has been pan fried, and I’m still not fond of it.

        Veal, again, if I’m served it, I will try it, but I’m not going to spend my money on a food that I haven’t enjoyed in the past, it would be a waste of my money.

        I’m willing to try most things a few times before I give up on them. But one thing that I don’t think I can even bring myself to try is scrapple. It a regional thing out here and it looks and sounds disgusting!!!

  16. Cauliflower is the worst. It has the worst texture, smell and taste. I don’t know how anyone can tolerate that stuff. And black licorice is disgusting. Bacon on the other hand is delish! I wish I didn’t like it as it’s sooooo very bad for you.

    • Cauliflower is again a cabbage like Brussels sprouts and broccoli. If cooked too long, it releases an unpleasant sulfurous odor. It’s not my favorite vegetable, but from your description I feel you’ve been subjected to bad preparation.

    • Here is a SUPER DELICIOUS cauliflower recipe

      Cut florets from stalk and chop into bite sized pieces.
      Rinse and lightly coat with olive oil
      Sprinkle salt and pepper to taste
      Spinkle with about 1 tbsp of italian seasoning and 1/4 cup parmesan cheese
      Bake in oven at 400 degrees for about 10 minutes or until lightly browned
      Enjoy!

      You can also dip the finished bites in marinara sauce for extra yumminess

  17. It’s how I feel about hard-boiled eggs. I can’t look at them in any form (plain, sliced, deviled, egg salad, etc) without gagging. Not to mention the smell. Who on earth wants to eat something that smells like yesterday’s outhouse leftovers?

    Just writing about them made my stomach start churning. UGH!!!

    • Hah. Same problem as with Brussels sprouts. Eggs that have been overboiled (or actually boiled at all) release a sulphurous compound that is incredibly unpleasant, and at worst there is a nasty green ring around the yolk. Here’s you can avoid all that and have sweet, tender, fresh-smelling hard-boiled eggs: Put your eggs in a small pot of cold water, just large enough to hold them comfortably. Bring the water just to a boil and immediately turn off the heat. Now cover the pot and wait about 15 minutes. Uncover, and rinse in cold water before shelling ’cause those eggs are muy caliente at this point.

  18. Oh, and I’m sooo with you on the olives. You’re crazy for not liking bacon though. Pure madness, I tell you, pure madness.

  19. You don’t like bacon!!! Do you hear that sound – it’s your man card being revoked. Seriously, I have never met a meat eating man who didn’t like bacon.

    As for black licorice – yummy! I also like pineapple on my pizza, bacon at breakfast and brussel sprouts at dinner. I will concede that olives are gross. But as a kid, they sure were fun to put on my fingers 🙂

  20. Black licorice is ok, I don’t love the texture of licorice in general though. I do like black jelly beans.

    Broccoli is maybe the most horrible food ever – I also hate green tea.

    • As silly as it sounds, green tea has to be prepared properly or its really bitter & gross. Unlike most teas, you do NOT want to use boiling water (just very hot water); leave the tea bag in the water for no more than two minutues. Otherwise, it releases (something, don’t remember technical term for it) & gets very bitter.

  21. Love black licorice and red licorice. I agree with you with warm pineapple too…fruit (other than tomatoes) does not belong on pizza…yuck. Love olives too…my favourite is a green olive stuffed with a clove of garlic…so delish.

    I don’t like warm/hot tuna…so tuna casserole, tuna melts and the like make me physically ill (the thought of cheese on tuna is just nasty). I will eat a cold tuna sandwich. I also will not eat lima beans…yig

  22. Lima Beans aboslutely positively will I NEVER EVER eat another one again is what I said when I was 13 and felt bold enough to tell my parenst what I was going to do and not do anymore. (and I haven’t)

Comments are closed.