Oops I did it again

October 4, 2011 · 28 comments

If you’ve been reading this blog for more than, oh I don’t know let’s say a week, you know I frequently fail at being the awesome husband I strive to be. Yet again, I have another story for you about my most recent shortcoming.

In April, I decided I wasn’t going to go to the financial bloggers conference in Chicago. But after some significant peer pressuring from some close blogging buddies, I caved in and decided I would go. I asked Girl Ninja if it was cool with her and she gave me the green light.

Gold star for me right? I had something I wanted to do, and before doing it, I got permission from the spouse! I’m pretty sure that makes me husband of the year. Right ahead of this guy…

So now comes the time where I share with you my epic failure.

While I did a good job initially communicating with Girl Ninja about the trip, I seriously dropped the ball at continuing the communication throughout the process. I didn’t talk with her about ticket prices, I didn’t see if she was comfortable with me sharing the room with a complete stranger, I didn’t ask if she was fine with me going to a nightclub with a bunch of other people (yeah we went to a freakin’ night club for one of the events. It was both awkward and awesome).

In my mind, all I needed was permission from the wife to go, totally overlooked the fact that she should probably be consulted throughout the process. Lord knows  I would be pissed at her if she asked if she could go shopping with a friend, got my consent, and then purchased a $1,000 purse.

And that my friends is why I failed at being a good husband. I was unintentionally pulling a double standard. I can do what I want, but Girl Ninja has to ask me if she wants to do something. Man, I’m a tool.

Fortunately, Girl Ninja is patient with me and instead of beating my mercilessly, she poked in the bedroom one day and asked if we could talk about the conference more. We sat down, had a heart to heart. She expressed her concerns about my lack of communication. I apologized severely. And we reconciled. Thank goodness for Girl Ninja being such an amazing person. Don’t know what I’d do with out her.

In fact, she’s so awesome she wrote up a short paragraph about her take on the situation. Here it is:

This situation was definitely one of those times I wanted to rub in Ninja’s face it’s time to practice what you preach.  Communication, teamwork, compromise – all words we have agreed to stick to when it comes to making decisions TOGETHER on larger purchases. Whoops.  Ninja started out with the right motives and got distracted along the way.  Honestly, I was happy to see this happen.  I was happy because I think it humbled him a little bit (always a good thing right?).  Yes, he is WAY more financially savvy than I am but it doesn’t mean his opinions trump mine.  He felt a lot worse about it than I did, so I went easy on him.  Instead, I suggested a trip to San Diego for me.  Fair? I think so!

So…Ninja’s not perfect. Thank goodness because neither am I, but let’s not talk about that right now :).

Have you ever been guilty of operating under a double standard? Have you failed recently in your marriage or relationship? Why is being selfish so easy?

I freaking love this girl…

1 cashflowmantra

Sounds like you got off pretty easy. I can’t remember the last time I screwed up. It happens so much that I have become immune to it or something.

2 StackingCash

I hate those accidents on the road to marital bliss! Happens quite a bit for me unfortunately. Although this is a poor excuse, those incidences are never on purpose. Hopefully our better halves have the patience to forgive our weaknesses :)

3 StackingCash

BTW, nice calculator watch!

4 Ninja

Glad you like it :)

5 Larry

San Diego? She should have demanded a week in Paris!

6 LLF

good of you to man up and appologize. WTG. Just remember the rules next time =)

7 Kevin @ Thousandaire.com

While I was in Chicago, the friend I was staying with asked me if I would accompany him to a Speed Dating Event for “Men under 30 / Women over 40″. I called my gf and she said she trusted me and I could go if I wanted to support my friend. We didn’t end up going. I think I avoided falling into a huge trap there.

8 Romeo

You guys must have found out in advance that the ladies were butt ugly. Maybe via Twitter? :-)

9 J

I always just skim via google reader, but when I saw the calculator watch I had to say good job.

10 Ninja

Haha. If only I knew the power of a calculator watch a bit earlier. You should comment more often, I like it when you do.

11 iwantmyhdbflat

You guys look so lovely together!

12 Kim

A marriage with zero strife is…just weird. It means someone isn’t paying attention or doesn’t care.

13 Matt

I have fallen into this before…watching every purchase my wife makes, but not second guessing any of my purchases. I think we justify it in our mind, because we are always thinking about saving money, so we think we deserve a splurge every once in awhile.

14 Rafiki

It happens to me more often than it should. The double standard thing that is and I always always get put in my place and I consider myself lucky each time because I actually learn from it and I always feel horrible. Mine usually happens just like yours, I preach about not doing something and then I turn around and do it because I don’t usually see that I was/am doing the exact thing I argued against just because it was wrapped in a different colour paper.

15 Mo D.

Your stick figure pic made me LOL! Many’s a time Hubby’s come home with food after work and expected me to already be asleep! LOL!! Gotta admit, I’m glad you went through this somewhat humbling experience; GN could of raked you over the coals and lectured you ’til the cows came home, but she didn’t… she chose the mature route of discussing the situation calmly… and you probably took more notice of her feelings because if it… KUDDOS GN!!

16 Jenna, Adaptu Community Manager

So great meeting you at FINCON this year! “This wasn’t on my schedule!” was probably the best quote from the nightclub…

Glad you and Girl Ninja were able to talk things out, hopefully, she’ll just come with you to FINCON next year. I want to meet this awesome lady!

17 Eric

Loving the single life! lol. I have been in that doghouse before my friend. I can vouch to Girl Ninja for you that you behaved in the night club. I was the one doing the trouble making.

18 Amber, Blonde & Balanced

Haha, why are women such better communicators then men?? I have this same problem with my husband, although we are working on it together like you guys. In our 3 months of marriage, our one big fight has all been from lack of communication. so important!

I will vouch for Ninja that he acted pretty well-behaved all weekend. At least when I saw him anyway :)

19 Lindy Mint

You guys look so cute together. You’ll make cute hidden identity babies.

I’m the money nerd in our family, so I’m usually the one to point out how much my husband spent on fast food last month, while I go out and spend the same amount on clothes. Getting into the mindset of walking in his shoes has helped me a lot. It’s hard, but it gets easier with practice.

20 Ryan

Obviously it’s different since you’re married, I guess, but I can’t imagine any of my friends (currently in college) asking their boyfriend/girlfriend for permission to go to a nightclub. We call that a normal Friday night!

21 Romeo

A complete stranger! Wow! That’s something I would never do. Shame on you. Did you at least make sure the stranger didn’t steal your underwear?

Then again, you are a Ninja, right? You couldn’t have kicked the stranger’s butt if he or she got out of line. ;-)

22 Ninja

Fortunately this stranger ended up being pretty cool, but now that you mention I knew I was missing a thong :)

23 YourFinancesSimplified

I definitely work at a double standard. I update our spending plan ever week so I see if Mrs. FYS uses house money instead of fun money for her purchases. But she doesn’t check our spending plan. She’s more of a big picture person so I have the ability to sneak little purchases in. Ever once in a while I sneak house money for a want but not too often.

24 Julie

Nice confession but OMG YOUR CALCULATOR WATCH IS AWESOME!!!!!!

25 Ashley @ Money Talks

It was great meeting you at the conference! I’m glad you came, even it meant a little life lesson learned at home. :)

26 Evan

It is time you stare at her and ask calmly, “Do you know who I am?” and when she responds confused you say you are the freaking author and owner of PunchDebtintheFace.com and then you slam the door on the way out to the bar!

27 T

Not married but, those seem like small rungs to have to account for. I think I would trust my sig. Other to go away for a weekend and make his own housing, social decisions.

28 T

Yes, you are a very cute couple. From what we can see, very cute.

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