I’m getting married (I hope)

For many of you, December 25th was probably your favorite day this Christmas season. For me, however, today is hopefully not just going to be the best day the season, but possibly one of the best days of my life. I’m gonna cut to the chase. Today I will be proposing to Girl Ninja. Proposing, as in like marriage, not proposing that she invests in a Roth IRA (although I think she should).

I’ve been waiting for December 28th to come for about six months now. I bought Girl Ninja’s diamond in June and have been secretly hiding it in my computer desk drawer since then. I had “the talk” with future Father-Ninja-In-Law over thanksgiving break, and received his blessing. With all signals go, that meant I had the green light to proceed.

Tomorrow I’ll share the propsal details, but today I want to talk a little bit about my relationship with Girl Ninja. Our story hasn’t been the fairy tale we often read about in books and see in movies, but ya wanna know what it has been….real. Too often we are told love is magical, that it comes naturally, that it is a feeling, that it is perfect. That’s a bunch of bullcrap. Love takes a lot of work, it’s complicated, messy, but in the end, well worth it. Ya see, love is not about “What can my girlfriend do for me?” Instead it’s “How can I love my girlfriend better?” Love is selfless, not selfish.

I want to spend the rest of my life with Girl Ninja because she respect’s me. She honors the man that I am, rather than trying to turn me into someone I’m not. She endures my imperfections and shortcomings, without complaint. She loves me selflessly, not for her benefit, but for mine.

Ya see love isn’t a feeling. I don’t believe in “falling in love”, instead I believe you have to “work for love”. Few good things come without effort, love is no exception. I know Girl Ninja and I will face tough times, I know there will be days we don’t really wanna be around each other, but guess what…. that’s okay. I am committed to loving Girl Ninja. To being the man that she deserves. To work every day to win her love. To put her needs before mine.

I want to grow old with Girl Ninja, and after today I will be one step closer to making that happen (assuming she says “Yes!”). Ya may not be getting any personal finance today, but I believe this topic is of equal importance. What are your thoughts on love? Why do marriages fail? And for the married folks, any insight you have for me is greatly appreciated.

17 thoughts on “I’m getting married (I hope)

  1. I really hope that she doesn't say "Do I Have To?"

    I'm not married, nor have I been in a position where I have thought/wanted to spend the rest of my life with someone. So I have no advice to offer in that regard.

    However, one of the best articles that I ever read about love and marriage talked about this couple who have been married 17 years. And each year on their anniversary they talk about their marriage. Whether they want to continue it and commit to another year. Or stop. And it helps them remember why they are together, what their goals are, and to take their "whole life" one year at a time.

    I dunno… for some reason it really inspired me.

    Congrats Ninja! I can't wait to hear more about how it goes down tomorrow. =)

  2. Congratulations!

    I have been married 16 years. I like the way you look at love… being a choice and something to work for, not a feeling. I choose to love my husband even in the middle of the times that I’m not very happy with him. It helps me remember that I need to figure out what I can change about me so I can be happy with him. It usually is something that I can and should change in me. He has things that need to be changed, but that’s not my job. My job is to be the best “me” that I can.

    Before you get married you need to talk about many important things like money, baby-ninjas, sex, etc. But, no one ever told me I should find out which way the toilet paper needs to hang on the roll, over or under? And, no one told me to discuss sleeping habits like which side of the bed, do we touch when we sleep or not, does anyone snore, ect. Those little things are important to talk about, too.

  3. First, Congratulations!

    Second – you nailed it. Love IS a lot of work! This post actually made me cry, not just because I am a total sap like that. But because it was so real and so honest.

    Can't wait to read all the juicy details!

  4. Congratulations! You are so right, love is hard work and when both people are putting 100% into the relationship, everything is possible. My marriage failed…mostly because we weren't on the same page, didn't have similar goals, and there was a complete lack of respect for each other after a while. There are other reasons, deeply personal issues on both of our parts, and I stayed longer than I should have. You have an amazing outlook on your relationship with girl ninja, and I wish you many, many, happy years together!

  5. Congrats Ninja! I am blessed to be friends with mama Ninja and I know how very excited she is for you.

    I love the idea the first guy said that he read in the article. "Take each anniversary and talk about your marriage!" That is fantastic!

    I will tell you that talking and being open and honest with each other is the most important thing. You need to be able to talk about both the positive and the negative. You should be able to talk about anything with each other without judgement. I agree with you that love is work and you both need to be willing to work on it together. From what mama Ninja tells me about you guys I am sure you will be amazing!!!!

    Good luck!

  6. I think you got it right in one statement, "Love is selfless, not selfish."

    I got married a month before I turned 20, just after my second year of college. I was both mature and naive for my age. My mother teases that I was born middle-aged, but at the same time, I was 19 and did believe that things would be "magical." After 5 and a half years, I've realized that you do have to work at. You have to choose every day to work at your relationship and to put that person above yourself. I think the reason many people are able to wake up after 10, 15, 20+ years and decide they are through is because they just did what was comfortable for them and simply went through the motions!

    Congratulations, and it sounds like you will be very happy!

  7. I am so happy that I am coming out lurking in my reader to commenting. YAY! Congrats.

    Love and marriages are work. So many want to be brides/grooms and forget that a marriage lasts beyond the wedding. Never forget that it takes work.

    I've been married, divorced and married again. (Las Vegas makes this so easy.) Never stop communicating. Never keep things locked inside. Full disclosure, like everyone else said!

    Congrats to you both and your Ninja families!

  8. Good choice, we just got married this October after 6 years of courting :)… Use your fianance theme of full disclosure in your marriage. All will be well as well can be. Marriage feels very nice.

  9. Awesome – and second the recommendation for following full-ninja-style-disclosure throughout your married life – you're not just getting a roommate with benefits, you are getting a partner whose vote counts 105% of your vote. Though it may seem 'too soon', it's also important to make sure GirlNinja's life plan looks like the one you've mapped out for her (staying home with the baby-ninjas for one). GOOD LUCK!

  10. Yay Yay Yay!!! I'm so happy for you two and can't wait to see what God holds in store for your relationship. One thing I can attest to is both your unselfish love for each other day in and day out. You have both truly inspired me to love more in my relationships. I am sooo excited for you! Congratulations Ninja!! 🙂

  11. Yay Yay Yay!!! I'm so happy for you two and can't wait to see what God holds in store for your relationship. One thing I can attest to is both your unselfish love for each other day in and day out. You have both truly inspired me to love more in my relationships. I am sooo excited for you! Congratulations Ninja!! 🙂

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