The less glamorous side of marriage

March 9, 2010 · 50 comments

I’m gonna be completely honest. There are a few things about getting married that kind of stress me out.  I get so caught up in the fantasy of marriage, that I sometimes forget to take a good hard look at the reality of marriage. And the reality is, marriage isn’t all rainbows and unicorns. Here are a few of the things that will change once I get married, that I’m not super excited about…

Cell Phone…

Word on the street has it cell phones can cost a pretty penny. I’ve been fortunate enough to leach off my parents’ family plan, meaning I have never paid for my cell phone. Girl Ninja is also on a plan with her family. Apparently once I get married, Mom Ninja thinks it’s time to give me the boot. She thinks that because I’m old enough to get married, this MUST mean I’m also old enough to pay for my cell phone bill. She’s crazy right? You hear that Mom, you are sick in the head (I still love you though and can’t wait to see what snarky comment you will leave on today’s post). Being that I basically have a huge crush on my iPhone, I couldn’t imagine giving it up. After some intense research, I’ve concluded an iPhone family plan for GN and myself would run just shy of $200/month, an expense I’m not excited about taking on. (side note: family plans only allow 5 lines per plan and GN and my family are both too large to just join on with one of them)

Hair…

I thought it was only dogs that shed their hair, but I’ve learned that’s not exactly true. Girl Ninja has the most beautiful NATURAL blonde hair. I’m talking like real blonde, not dirty blonde. Here’s a picture of the top of Girl Ninja’s head…

While I do love her hair. It seems to also love me. I have black interior in my car and every time Girl Ninja sits in the passenger seat, her hair tends to “stick” around (haha, get it…STICK around!). I don’t know if I’m quite prepared to share a living space with her and her hair. Just about any guy I’ve asked (that lives with a girl) has told me their S.O.s hair ends up everywhere. The shower, the counter, the carpet, the kitchen, the milk carton. Their is no escaping it. Maybe one night, while GN is sleeping, I will replace her shampoo with some super glue. You know, to ensure her hair stays on her head…where it belongs. Ladies, can’t you control your shedding issues?

Growing up…

I guess when I get married I’m going to become something I’ve dreaded for a very long time… an adult! If you haven’t noticed, I tend to be slightly EXTREMELY immature. I still thinking farting is funny. I laugh at really dumb videos on youtube, like this one. And this is a shirt from my closet…

I’m doing my best to face the reality of marriage. I mean, I’m going to be responsible for another person’s well being. That’s a huge freakin’ deal. While growing up is definitely intimidating, I know that I’m at a place in my life where I can do just that. I have a good job (with benefits), a decent financial footing, a desire to provide for my family, and a love for GN that I have never experienced with anyone else. I guess I need to start getting my news from the newspaper and not MTV.

Okay, I think my list ends here. These are a few areas of marriage that I’m not quite yet prepared to face. I have five months left before the big day, hopefully I can figure something out before then.

For the married folks, What are some other “not so glamorous” aspects of marriage you have faced? If you aren’t married, what would be on your list?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=weomAnZPLsY
1 WellHeeled

Girl Ninja has gorgeous hair! Everyone sheds, it's just that fallen long hairs are more visible. But yes, I've heard that complaint from my SO as well.

2 Executioner

Ladies leave head hair behind, but men leave body hair behind. Check your sheets after about a week and see how they look.

Don't forget that marriage is a partnership. Just as you are going to be responsible for your wife, she will also be responsible for you. It's not a one-way street. You'll both continue to grow up together.

3 1SavvySaver

You can get a 15% discount with AT&T plan because you work for Uncle Sam.

4 PunchDebt

wow good to know. I never knew that!

5 Sandy L

My husband just complained he keeps finding my hair on his toothbrush.

On the flipside, guys smell…and not just from farts. Your musk gets into the bedding and can't get washed out even with hot water and lots of chemicals, your shoes stink up the closet. You don't always have good aim in the bathroom. You make us watch sports.

Most people are also not 100% the same with regards to cleanliness. Even if you're both anal, it may be about different things. She may want to vacuum all the time while you stare at the pile of unfolded laundry and say "I thought the floor was already clean" Usually there are a few things like that where for you it ranks #1, but for her it's #10 on the list of things that have to get done. This holds true in many areas. If your overall values are similar though, a compromise can usually be made and everyone remains content.

With all that, I still love being married to the guy I have and wouldn't trade it for a million bucks.

6 PunchDebt

How 'bout two million?

7 Sandy L

Well, his life insurance policy is for $1.5MM and I'd still prefer him alive vs dead.

8 @enemyofdebt

This was a very funny post, mostly because it is oh so true. Hang in there man, all of the things you mention are worth putting up with if you have the right woman! :)

I can relate to the hair issue specifically. I am surprised to see my wife wake up with any hair at all, with as much of it that's around the house; in the tub, sinks etc. haha! Good thing I love her right?

9 Jessica

Marriage is a blast. and honestly I don't have anything bad to say about it. :)

P.S. You don't have to give up all your immaturity. My husband owns several funny shirts like that and I have no problem with him wearing them. Especially the one that says "Game Over" about marriage. He wore that one after we got married.

10 Kyle C.

Just wait until you get in the shower in the morning and there is a nest of hair plastered to the wall the of the shower, I don't know why the wall is a good place to paste your hair but apparently it is a common phenomenon with women.

11 PunchDebt

Yeah I have heard about dreaded "shower" hair clumps. I think I would throw up, but at least I would already be in the shower to disinfect myself after profusely vomiting.

12 Andrew L.

You think that's bad, wait until you see what the vacuum picks up. One time the brush got so clogged with my wife's hair it stopped rotating and nearly burnt out the motor.

13 MoneyMaus

I plead guilty to the hair shedding issue. And I have a LOT of hair, and it ends up everywhere… but mostly on the wall of the shower (which I clean every day) and on the bathroom floor. Gotta love being a girl! ;)

It's just as bad as guys shaving all over the sink. Yuck :(

14 WellHeeled

These hair clumps have a name! I call them "hair monsters".

15 BDub

i can explain the hair on the wall thing!!! I have long, super thick hair, and I shed like CRAZY (my boyfriend finds it everywhere!!) As I wash my hair some end up in my hands, if I rinse it off with water some of it goes down the drain, some of it hangs out above the drain, but some of it finds it's way down…I would always just pick up what was left in the tub and go on my merry way. UNTIL I MOVED TO A NEW PLACE…and my tub became extremely clogged and drain-o wasn't cutting it. Since my move I've been putting the hair up on the wall instead of letting it fall towards the drain…no clogs yet. But I have never once left it on the wall when I left the shower….but there's your explanation of why it ends up on the wall..

16 Dustin

It'll be okay, little Ninja. :) I think you'll totally dig marriage, and I found the need to "grow up" to be pretty liberating really. Having kids is the real game changer.

As far as an inglorious aspect of marriage, I would put the hair thing up on the list, too. If you think the car is bad, wait until you see the bathroom after she's actually brushed her hair in there. Of course, for me, it meant giving up all-night poker, gaming, drinking parties with buddies. However, all-nighters with my wife are better anyhow. :)

17 PunchDebt

You and your wife stay up all night drinking and playing poker…

only kidding :)

18 Liz

Getting married doesn't mean you have to grow up. I've been married for almost 15 years, and STILL think farting is funny and laughed out loud at that video — and then watched it twice again. Please, please, please don't let your stereotypes of what you think marriage and adulthood *should* be turn you into something you are not. I still sometimes wonder who thought it'd be a good idea to put me in charge and have me act like a grown-up.

On the other hand, my kids are excelling by all measures, our only debt is our home mortgage (which will be paid off before our eldest child goes to college), and I genuinely love being with my family; so, I figure, this kid-at-heart must be doing something right. So what if I still read teen fiction and giggle at potty humor?

19 Ronnie

She can keep her hair from shedding if you two are cool with a cut the length of yours. Otherwise, you'll have to learn to deal!

And WHAT is with this "growing up" thing?!? BF and I aren't married, but we caught up with his best friend and wife, and their 2yo son (our godson). And we went to Monkey Joe's or something down in Atlanta, and said friend jumped into the balls for the kids, ran down the slides, and acted an utter fool. My BF was right there beside him. I spoke with Wife and she indicates that neither of them has changed at all since they met in college, except now they both get to put Dr. in front of their name. You know, they work hard and prepared wills and life insurance and disability and college accounts and all that, and they are still 5 year olds in 30 year old bodies. Always will be, except the last number will keep getting bigger!

20 ldub

on the hair – dude, you shave right? trust me, man-whiskers are the bane of my "bain" cleaning. they just stick to everything in the bathroom! they're like magic. at least our hairs are generally longer and easier to round up. you'll be fine.

i'm sure for my husband, my tendency to leave clothes on the floor, my inconveniently white (and shedding) dog, and the general adding of a whole 'nother person's "stuff" to his house were big changes, and for me, i have to put up with crazy loud snoring, shaving cream that occasionally gunks up the sink drain so i have to remove it to clean it out, and the weird way he turns on the light before going into the bathroom at night, thus shining a piercing ray of light into my sleeping eyes. and yet? wouldn't go back to single for the world.

21 duddes02

Girl Ninja's hair is soo pretty. You are lucky she doesn't have dark long hair like me. My drain is naaasty.

22 Forest

yeah, shedding hair is a big one that I had to get used to, but remember to clean up your shavings in the sink ;)
GN has a nice forehea, you’re a lucky guy! and I can’t wait to see what your mom says too.

23 Dizz Integrator

Wait until the hair gets stuck in your socks. My hubby complains that he cannot stand my hair in between his toes anymore. Have a dog? I've found my hair in his waste. Gross, yes!

24 MomNinja

Ahh, young Grasshopper…Mom Ninja says:
An iphone plan for you and GN is in your future, embrace this plan, adjust your budget and find peace!
An on a side note! We have 1 opening in our plan available to the highest bidder – Ha Ha snarky enough for you my son?

25 MomNinja

Oh and one thing Dad Ninja use to do that was a hard adjustment for me was hanging his underwear on the doorknob when he went to shower…seriously what is that about.

26 SAM

I can't believe all of the men complaining about OUR hair making the bathroom dirty. Are you kidding me?!?!? I shed, maybe, 5 stands of hair per day in the shower. As such, I clean the drain. Do these guys wipe up their whiskers after every shave, not to mention the body hair that creates little dust bunnies in the corners and the random drips of pee on the floor? Give me a break!

On a serious note, the less glamorous side of marriage is compromise, especially when it's over something big. When someone gets a killer job offer on the other side of the country but the other one doesn't want to move, how will you handle it? What will you do if there is a conflict between one of you and the in-laws? etc…

That and fighting over the thermostat.

27 Jessie

I'm not married…but wanted to comment on this

"I mean, I’m going to be responsible for another person’s well being. That’s a huge freakin’ deal."

guess what? She's going to be responsible for you too! It's actually pretty cool – it's built in. Just as much energy as give into loving, caring and protecting – you'll get back :)

28 Angie

My hubby used to complain about my shedding problems until I cut my hair short. Now, he doesn't care about the shedding as long as I keep my hair long!

As far as growing up, remember – she fell in love with the immature guy that you are! If she is an intelligent woman, she will know that marriage won't change that overnight. Maturity comes with time and age, not a wedding ring. And as long as you are mature about the big things (putting her needs ahead of others, money, communication & equitable distribution of responsibility…) then when you do find the need to laugh at "inopportune" moments, she just might forgive you!

29 duddes02

MomNinja-remember I asked if you could adopt me? Are you still thinking about it?

30 MomNinja

I do remember you, how are you at drawing stick figures..because I have to say his art has kept me amused for years –

31 tds0249

Girls poop

32 PunchDebt

no they don't! take it back, take it back right now!

33 Ted @broketofree

It also smells bad. revolutionary for me.

34 Investing Newbie

MomNinja rocks! LMAO. I'm not married, but I love the comment section here. It is so inviting. Anyways, you have to let us singlets-who-don't-live-with-their-SO what it's like to finally live together. Right now, I'm on the Family Plan, iPhone lovin', and I have soo much space to myself. I can watch whatever I want on tv and I can have a lot of me time. I mean, seriously, wants Bridezillas starts up, I really don't want to change over the game. ____I never thought of my shedding hair bothering anyone. I'll start trying to keep it neat so that BF doesn't have a cow. LOL!

35 MissAlpha

Your t-shirt is awesome. So is marriage… especially all the weird stuff you learn about each other over time.

Remember: You only have to SEEM grown-up. At night, you can still giggle about body farts together. ;)

36 MoneyHoneySF

Ha funny post. Marriage is a full time job. Both have to keep working at it. I found that my DH likes to fart in front of me. He is more open now then he was when he was my BF.

DH hates that I take so long to get ready. It takes me a good hour to shower, dress, makeup, etc. But it only takes him 5 minutes! Go figure. We didnt have issue with such time management when we were dating because we were living in separate houses and so we just set a time at a certain place to me. Anyhow, those are some of the petpeeves.

http://moneyhoneysf.blogspot.com/

37 Mars Dorian

Well, congratulations to your marriage.
I hope you won't lose your spunky style with the evil invasion of Adultness.
There should be a little Peter Pan in all of us !

38 @eemusings

Wow, she really IS blonde! that's so rare these days – what an amazing colour.

yes, we do shed. But so do boys with long hair. And boys leave their icky beard hairs around in the basin after shaving.

39 Steph

I shed like mad. Even just running my hands through my hair results in a small collection of hair. Beautiful, I know.

I don't feel like a grownup either. Though I'm not getting married any time soon, so I guess that's okay. Even though I've been out of college almost 4 years, I still associate myself as a recent grad, and no where near the age where I can get married and have kids…it's just weird.

I'd like to do those things some day…along with buying a house. But it seems like all that is far away. I wouldn't mind skipping ahead 10 years to where all that is figured out. But I guess that's how life is, you've got to live it, not fast forward to where everything is all set.

40 Little House

She has beautiful coloring! My husband complains like crazy about my hair. He swears I will be bald before 60. He probably sheds too, but his hair is so short, I'd never notice.

As for marriage, nothing about a relationship changes if you love that person. If anything, you just grow closer and become best friends. I lived with my husband before we married, so there was no shock about how he lived (he's clean, I'm a bit of a mess!). I've now been married almost 10 years, and love him more than ever. So, marriage is something to look forward to, don't worry!

41 Abigail

My husband and I are living proof that marriage does NOT equal maturity!

Okay, well we're a little mature. I mean, we pay bills on time and are paying down debt. But personality-wise we're hopelessly immature. We watch cartoons — at least, the ones geared toward adults as much as kids — and make stupid jokes and that sort of thing.

Oh and you don't have to give up goofy t-shirts. Tim has a bunch of them. A few snarky ones ("Vader was framed" "I'm bad with names. Can I just call you dumbass?") and a bunch of comic-book based stuff. Being immature — or, at least, liking stuff you still liked back in your youth — is completely acceptable in this day and age. I call it "geek chic."

I think overall marriage is about accepting that you'll need to be grown-up about responsibilities (rent/mortgage, eventually a kid or two) but also making sure your partner is someone you can be absolutely immature with. Otherwise, what's the point? You just end up arguing about shedding hair and farting in bed and all those fun things.

Clearly you and GN make each other happy and given your goofy blogging I have to assume that's pretty representative of you in real life. So who says that needs to change?

42 Sunflowers

Umm. That's interesting. Our sink is currently covered with facial hair (from bf's last shave). That's a regular occurrence. Hope you never let that happen, if you're here complaining about a little bit of GN's hair ending up in your car. :P

Bf and I laugh at farts. We both have funny t-shirts in our closet. We're still grown-up, where it counts. I'm sure you are too. :)

Also… as far as "being responsible for another person’s well being." You're getting a partner, not a baby. Don't be silly.

43 rain264

C`mon, you don't have to grow up in a marriage… We have been married for 15 years an still laugh at farts and Tosh.0 is our favorite show. I don't have as much of a problem with shedding hair as much as hair in my face as I sleep, gagging me and all.
As evidence of our lack of growing up, we have laughed hysterically with tears over 1) MomNinja comments and 2) TDS0249 comments. Those are winners in our eyes!!! Oh, I almost forgot, I still wear and "I love my Weiner" shirt as my undershirt to work and I get humor knowing no one has a clue.

44 Once a Runner

Completely unrelated to your latest post but I have a couple questions/comments purely out of curiosity. First off, I really enjoy your blog…having stumbled upon it through a rather random fashion, I didn't really intend on reading and normally wouldn't have except for a rather coincidental series of events which i feel i should explain.

Weird coincidences 1) I just watched the latest episode of House (guilty pleasure) and the patient was a blogger. 2) This is my one day of down time as I'm a senior in college (also one of those expensive private colleges in CA…I was luckily able to offset the costs due to running/other scholarships) with a million projects wrapping up before spring break 3) I'm actually privately a nerd when it comes to finances (unbeknown to my friends) 4) I love reading (usually books) and your writing/style just happened to keep me interested, so much so that I have been reading for the past hour or two (sorry if that comes off as creepy)

Actual questions, and i apologize for the lengthy comment 1) Where/how did you start your blog? 2) How did you start making adsense money for blogging? what is it? and how do you track it? I'm not necessarily going to start my own or would even consider making money off of it but I am curious. Thanks!! and keep up the blogging

Side note: I don't live with a girl but I know about their hair issues…maybe a positive to take with the negative is that they always smell so nice though…Sometimes i miss the smell of a girlfriend, you will get that all the time now even when she's not home.

45 browhairn

my bf who i have lived with for 1.5 years HATES my bobby pins, finds them everywhere.. so theres things worse than hair :D

46 LeanLifeCoach

Ninja – You only need two words…. "yes ma'm"

47 Bucksome Boomer

I haven't seen a reference to Papa Smurf (or any smurf) in ages. Were you one of the little kids watching that show?

Momninja is right. You need to be on your own plan now. It's time for her to cut the wirless cord.

48 @leif_nabil

Why don't you each stay on your respective parents' cell phone plans and just pay your share to the 'rents? Relatedly, my friend has kept ever car she "owned" in the name of some close family friends because the insurance is much cheaper.

49 Amberdawn

My fiance is freaked out about my shedding too. Oh well!

I get anxiety about the whole responsible for another person thing too. I'm hoping it's something that married people sort of get used to, in the sense that you have to take care of your own self and don't freak out about it.

As for the immaturity thing, I don't think you have to give up dumb T-shirts when you're married. Not sure though, I'll have to mention about that to our Justice of the Peace.

50 laura

oh man, forget the hair – it's the hair TIES that will show up everywhere you turn soon enough. my boyfriend finds these charming little elsatics in his shoes, in his pockets, by the sink, on every doorknob, probably in the refrigerator even. don't ask me how or why, but they multiply and nestle all over the place.

a few years into cohabitation, and I've got to say, decide NOW how you each like to handle your mail, and how you'll work it in the new place. lame, maybe, but it's serious business – that stuff PILES UP and also is occasionally pretty important.

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