Things I want to punch in the face: Hipsters

Seeing that Thanksgiving is just around the corner for us Americans, I figure most bloggers will be writing about things they are thankful for. I already did that last month, so there is no need for me to repeat myself. Instead, I’ll go against the grain, and blog about something I want to punch in the face. This go around, Hipsters are up on the chopping block.

Let’s break this down….

Hair:

Look. If you have to do the hair-flippy-head-bob more than once every five minutes to keep the hair out of your eyes, I have an easy solution. CUT YOUR FREAKIN’ HAIR! I can’t even pay attention to what you are saying because instead of listening to you, I’m trying to figure out if you are having a mild seizure and need medical assistance. Your hair is not as cool as you think it is.

Glasses:

If your glasses have no lenses in them, you sir/madam are a tool. Those of us with REAL vision issues are offended by your blatant mockery of our impairment.  I hate everything about you. EVERYTHING.

Cleavage V-neck:

If the bottom of your v-neck is parallel to your nipples, I have news for you… YOUR V-NECK IS TOO LOW. I use to think busty women were the only people guilty of over-cleavage-ing society. Sadly, that is no longer the case.

Skinny Jeans:

Hey, don’t get me wrong. I love skinny jeans…on Girl Ninja. But male hipsters hear this, if your jeans are so tight I can literally see the outline of your “you know what”, it’s time to get yourself a new pair of pants. I honestly don’t get this trend at all. How do you not feel at least a little silly when you step foot outside? Oh wait, that’s right, your glasses don’t actually help you see. ::facepalm::

The stache:

Burt Reynolds and Tom Selleck are the only two men on earth that have earned the right to rock a mustache. Period.

I can think of at least 78 billion more things that bother me about hipsters including, but not limited to; slouch beanies, scarf wearing when it is 60+ degrees outside, tattoos on your wrists, leather satchels, and the infamous janitor key ring hanging off your belt loop.

In sum, I hate hipsters.

 

31 thoughts on “Things I want to punch in the face: Hipsters

  1. That made me smile, which hurt my face since I’m still recovering from having my wisdom teeth removed. o_0 Is there some sort of system where I can inform you when not to make a post that will make me smile? 😉

    Although, I have to disagree with the wearing glasses if you won’t actually have a vision problem bit though. Glasses are sexy. (Unless they look like this http://www.sharkvsbear.com/2008/0501_cobrasnake/1/slides/heartsRevolution_13.jpg or this http://www.glassesales.com/images/shuttershades-sunglasses-003.jpg … those people should be punched in the face). If a person willing to fake a vision problem to win me over, that’s alright in my book. 😀

  2. love this. the town i live in is full of hipsters. they drive me nuts.
    most of the employees at the local businesses are hipsters and they give the worst service ever–probably because i don’t look hipster enough for them.

    • Same here but don’t worry, the poor service isn’t just for you. The problem is that hipsters aren’t motivated by money (ie tips) so they make horrible servers/bartenders in general. I once waited 20 minutes to be greeted by a server at a hipster run restaurant.

  3. This was great- although I’m not sure that tattoos on wrists are limited to hipsters anymore. Inked friends of mine have put tattoos here because they are easily covered by a watchband and don’t detract from a professional appearance.

    Another hipster trend I can’t believe you didn’t mention- women not shaving their armpits.

  4. I have a male friend who wears: glasses with no lenses, scarfs, skinny jeans, and a v necks all in the same outfit. Yup, he’s a tool. And I am sure, if he was not in the military he would have the beiber hair cut. And yes, I do want to punch him in the face.

  5. i love this post, hipsters… Hate’ em. i wanted to find some skinny jeans and mock these morons for halloween but i couldnt find any that fit me at 5’11” and 215 lbs my quads are just too big but the thought was there. Trendy is only trendy if you care. have a happy thanks giving

  6. UGH!! Glasses without lenses make me stab-y. Perhaps I’m just jealous because I cannot see anything more than 10 inches from my face, or maybe it’s the fact that I spend upwards of $500 per year on vision care despite using the same frames for 5 years (and my insurance company considers contact lenses “cosmetic.” I didn’t know peripheral vision was cosmetic.) It’s also really hard to wear glasses when my sinuses are out of control because it feels like a 10 pound weight is sitting on my nose. Anyway, if this were twitter, I’d label this under #firstworldproblems, but aside from parades, bad drivers and hard boiled eggs, it’s one of my biggest pet peeves.

  7. HAHAHAHA!!! LOVE… THIS… POST!! Kinda makes me wish I’d have checked out the Hoard o’ Hipsters at the Occupy Toronto rally. V-Neck cleavage on a man is just wrong on all levels!!

  8. *gasp!* Is that Zooey Deschanel I see up there with the lovely lovely bangs? Yes, I do believe it is. *nom nom nom*

    But anyway. My first tweet when I got off the train in Chicago Union Station for FinCon was a 4square check-in. And I believe I appended “Hipsters urrrrrverywhere” or something of the like to it.

  9. LOL I LOVE THIS!!!
    Vancouver is FULL (saturated to the brim) with hipsters!!

    I agree with all points- seriously WHY WEAR GLASSES WITHOUT LENSES IN THEM!?! WTF!!!! And the skinny jeans? The V neck T’s?! C’mon!

  10. Thanks Ninja – you cracked me up!

    As a fellow Vancouverite, I definitely know what youngandthrifty’s referring to!

  11. I live in PDX and have a love/hate relationship with hipsters. I want to punch all of them, but am fully aware they make all the coffee in the universe. So I tolerate the hipster smirk for the three days a year I drink coffee.

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