So after yesterday’s festivities of epic Superbowl manliness, I felt it was time to get in touch with my feminine side and partake in a little fingernail therapy. In other words, I let Girl Ninja (and the two girls we are babysitting for the next three days), paint each of my nails a different color (don’t worry, I still found time to wrestle a pack of wolves and shave my chest hair with a rusted butter knife in between fingers). Check out the finished product…
That’s right. I’m reppin’ the light blue, sparkly gold, hot pink, dark purple, and glittery blue nail polish combo like a straight gangster. I contemplated leaving the nail polish on for work today, but something tells me people wouldn’t take me seriously as a Special Agent if I did.
Segue in to today’s topic….
As much as we may hate admitting it, looks matter. Especially in the work place, but if you read my previous article about the costs of being ugly, you’d already know that. Here are a few tips I’ve put together to help you stay ahead of the curve ….
1) Women: Don’t dress slutty. There, I said it. Unless your job title is stripper, prostitute, or backup dancer in a Kanye West music video, cleavage and short skirts just won’t cut it. Cover up! It will earn you respect amongst your female peers and your male coworkers will actually listen to what you say instead of just stare at your….
2) Men: Go easy on the hair gel. I find few things creepier than a dude with greased back hair. I don’t care how nice or expensive your suit is. If you’re hair looks superglued to your head I wont be able to take you seriously. You + Slicked back hair = Pedophile.
3) Mix it up. Don’t be scared to try something new. I’ve been trying to mix it up in the work place as much as possible. After a few days of wearing a white/gray/black dress shirt, I like to throw on my teal one, my purple one, or my lime green one. I never get compliments when it comes to my ‘earth tone’ dress shirts, but every time I put something a little more bold on I get a compliment or two.
4) Don’t smell. You already know I want to punch smelly people in the face, but I feel like it’s important enough to mention again. For the love of all that is holy, please make sure you deodorize, shower, and brush your teeth before coming to work. Don’t be the awkward guy that smells like hot garbage and tuna. On the flip side, you have to be careful you don’t over do it. If you have scented deodorant, scented lotion, and a few squirts of perfume on, no one will want to be around you. In fact, you give us all headaches. Tone it down por favor.
5) Insert your tip here
Alright, I came up with the first four tips, but you have to come up with the fifth. What do you think is the most important thing about appearance in the work place? What would you add to the list? What’s your companies dress code; professional, business casual, or casual? Which nail polish color do you like most….I’m a fan of the light blue, it really brings out my eyes