How “easy” is getting pregnant?

fetus

We had a bunch of high school kids over for a summer kickoff party last night and for some reason they all had baby fever. Not that they want to have babies (if that was the case I’m pretty sure Girl Ninja and I would be horrible youth group leaders) but that they want Girl Ninja and I to have babies. They were seriously obsessed with the idea of us having kids just so they can babysit.

After about the 100th time of being asked when we would get pregnant I responded by saying…

“Right now, but first we need you all to leave.”

I believe their response was something along the lines of “Ewwwwwwwww” and I’m pretty sure Girl Ninja wanted to kill me, but I thought it was a pretty clever response. Needless to say, no one else asked us that question for the rest of the night. #Winning.

But here I am, a few hours later, thinking about the question “When are GN and I going to make a Baby Ninja?” Is it really that simple? Do I just decide when it happens, like I get to decide what color shirt I’m going to wear to work tomorrow?

Forgive me if I’m wrong, but don’t we just get to decide when we go off birth control, and let nature do the rest?

I feel like asking a couple when they are going to get pregnant is like asking…

  • … a middle school boy when his voice is going to stop cracking
  • … a middle-aged woman when she will start menopause
  • … an old person when they are going to die

What if it’s not as simple as just getting pregnant when we choose?

I actually think about this when we go house hunting. We don’t want to buy a two bedroom because that wont leave much space if we have kids. But I also don’t want to buy a four bedroom, only to find out we are physically incapable of getting pregnant.

The unused bedrooms and living space would be a constant reminder of our shattered dreams.

We have friends that got pregnant with identical twins while she was on birth control, and friends who spent four years doing everything they could to get pregnant. We have ideas of when we’d like to begin growing our family, but these real world examples are reminders that it’s really not up to us.

So now I turn the mic over…

  • For those of you that have kids, how “easy” was getting pregnant? Did you pretty much decide you wanted to start having kids, and find yourself pregnant within a couple of weeks/months?
  • For those without kids, do you ever put serious thought in to the idea of “What if we can’t get pregnant?” like I have when we look at four bedroom homes?
  • For those that don’t want kids, what’s your favorite cereal? Sorry, couldn’t think of anything relevant to ask you :p

66 thoughts on “How “easy” is getting pregnant?

  1. With #1 it took us about 8 months to get pregnant. 3 months of that was getting off birth control and letting my body re-adjust. With #2 (who I am still baking at this moment) uh… that took us just deciding that we’d start trying at the beginning of this year.

    I’m due in October. You can do the math 🙂

    You two have time on your side since both of you are young and in your 20s.

  2. My husband and I went “let’s go on a vacation and I’ll get pregnant” and we did. so we ‘tried’for, umm a seven day vacation?

    I am firmly in the camp of not borrowing trouble. until you haven’t had any success always assume that having kids will be super easy for you to have as well.

  3. It took us two months to get pregnant. We stayed in our 1 bedroom apartment in London, UK until our daughter was 8 months. We moved countries and lived in a 3 bed plus study, then moved again into a 2 bed in a big city, which we brought 8 years ago prior to moving overseas. Did you follow all that?

    Anyway, the advice that I was given was that there is no perfect time to have a baby. It is a huge decision, so of course it is easy to keep coming up reason why not to take the big leap.

    Never seriously contemplated what would happen if it didn’t. I’m just not that kind of person. Plus there was nothing to suggest we would have a problem.

    Secondary infertility is reasonably common too. And remember you can always end up with multiples. I have friends who went for two and ended up with three 🙂

  4. As someone who has been trying for over four years and is getting ready to go through IVF I can tell you that statistically speaking for 1 in 8 couples it isn’t that easy. Try on your own for 6 months if you are unable to get pregnant contact an RE – not a gynecologist. I love my lady doctor and she’s great once you get pregnant but if you can’t get pregnant skip straight to a Reproductive Endocrinologist. Take it from someone who wasted too much time at a Ob/Gyn on this craptastic journey if mine. However if in doubt a lot if Ob’s can run the basic infertility work up including sperm analysis. I would actually recommend having that done immediately once you start trying just to know if there are any immediate issues- but some people prefer not to pay for the tests/copay or to wait out the first 6mths of trying. Either way I hope when you guys are ready it happens easily got you- infertility is a nightmare I would wish on no one.

  5. Obviously it’s different for everyone. My parents had no trouble conceiving – maybe a couple months for each child. My husband’s parents took 8 years to have him – they had a lot of trouble. We haven’t attempted reproduction yet. We have given it thought because of my husband’s parents’ infertility issues, but we haven’t come to a decision. (I’ve tried to assure him that while women’s fertility issues may be heritable, men’s are generally environmental.) I am in favor of adoption; my husband is in favor of extensive medical treatments.

    My plan is to go off BC when my husband moves away and start tracking my ovulation so we can practice FAM/NFP, first as BC and later to for getting pregnant. If you and GN haven’t yet read Taking Control of Your Fertility, I recommend it.

    As for housing, I think we’d rather outgrow a small place than buy a big place too soon.

  6. Every couple is completely different. For us, it was easy (wife conceived fraternal twins on one “attempt”). But you have no guarantees based on the rest of the family or the environment around you. It might be simple, or it might be impossible.
    Shoot for win-win: a housing situation that is awesome if kids come, or if they don’t. Guest bedroom, rec room, awesome home office, or amazing Lego cave if they don’t come, or nursery and playroom if they do.

  7. Vector cereal 😉

    I always saw myself married with no children, and that’s exactly how my life played out. I knew in teens that motherhood wasn’t for me, and luckily, I met a man who had no desire to be a Dad. When I was in my late 20’s, I went thru a health scare and was warned by both my GP and OBGYN that I would have a hard conceiving, and if I did become pregnant, carrying the baby to term could be difficult. I was 29 at the time, and my reaction of “Oh, OK, no worries” threw them for a loop. OBGYN kept going on about alternate methods, and I kept saying, “Seriously, it’s good… I’m good with it because I never planned on having children”. We’re not anti-child by any means; we like kids and they like us, but parenthood just isn’t for us.

  8. As stated above, every couple is completely different. I always wanted kids (like 5!!) and always worried I would have trouble. I always say, our daughter was truly meant to be and at the exact perfect time.

    I remember going to the doctor for a yearly checkup and to get a refill on my birth control. At this time, I wasn’t sure when I would stop taking it but I wanted the rx just in case. The doctor told me, not to be alarmed if it takes 6months to a year to get pregnant, once I decide to get off the pill. That my body will need to readjust and that timing is everything. Well, what happened? I left the prescription on the counter in the doctors office and they started a new policy that if you have a lost prescription, it was $20 to get a new one. I called immediately and told them exactly where I left it, but it was not found. So, we said, hey what the heck. We were going to try anyways we’ll just let God completely have control over this. And BAM, one month later, I found myself pregnant. And now, I am terrified to have another because pregnancy #1 was so easy all around (conception, pregnancy and delivery) that I am imaging the next one being like pay back for the easy pregnancy.

  9. I have two kids and I’ve never been pregnant. It took about a year and a half to adopt the first one from China in 2003, and about two years to adopt the second from India in 2011, including home study, US immigration processing, and travel. In both cases, they were older than the usual child in the program, and had an identified medical need. It can be faster to adopt from US foster care, but varies widely by state. Many states don’t charge a fee for foster care adoption, or give a monthly subsidy to parents. Check it out.

  10. My parent’s were not able to have children. They tried for years and it just didn’t happen. So they went the adoption route.

    My wife and I tried for a couple months before she got pregnant. We were worried that she might not be able to get pregnant because, and sorry this is a little tmi, but she had an ovary removed as a child due to cysts or something like that.

    In the end it will either happen or it won’t, but just because it didn’t happen doesn’t mean you can’t have kids. There are so many children in the world that would love to be adopted and you can give them more love than they ever knew was possible.

  11. I don’t eat cereal for breakfast.
    I prefer toast, cheese, tomatoes, a couple of walnuts, a couple of olives and Turkish Tea for breakfast.

    For as long as I remember I never wanted to have kids or get married. Mom says I decided on that when I was roughly 8.

    Not everyone is cut out to be a parent and clearly I am not. I like kids…. well from a distance. I think people who want kids are extremely courageous and self-sacrifying. It is a serious commitment. Unfortunately I see many broken families and suffering kids around. I feel sorry for them. My observation tells me that usually dads ignore their kids once they divorce and even more so after they re-marry. I think that is cruel.

  12. It was wayyy too easy to get pregnant. It was unplanned, I was young, and there was no way I could take care of a kid by myself. I found an amazing familiy that couldn’t have children and gave my son up for adoption. It was heartbreaking throughout the process to meet many people who wanted kids and couldn’t have them, while I could accidentally get pregnant really quickly. You never know what is in store for you so just go with what whatever happens and adjust expectations accordingly.

  13. I’m on the side of whatever you plan is going to cause God to laugh. After multiple years of trying and two (known) miscarriages, we were filling out the paperwork for a fertility appointment when we started counting days. A pregnancy test was called for and several months after that we were the parents of a beautiful baby boy. He is four months old now and I’m still of the opinion we’re “one and done” even though that was not our original plan. I have left it in God’s hands though. If we’re meant to have more we will, if we’re meant to not we won’t. (We’re on the older side so adoption might not be an option – stupid age rules!) I would never base my house hunting plans on expected number of kids though. I have three different sets of friends who all live in three bedroom houses and have six kids each. They make it work and the kids (amazingly in my eyes) love it. Whatever you end up doing, God will make it work out.

  14. You have to really seek God’s desire in all of this! My wife and I got married without the desire to have children, but then we were really spoken to one weekend at a church leaders’ conference. We were using… um… more traditional methods of contraception, so as soon as we did the deed au naturale we were pregnant within 6 or 8 weeks. Shortly after we found out we were blessed with identical twins – and my wife has been on bed rest going on 8 weeks (with 2 more to go). If you ask for the Lord’s direction, then no matter what the circumstances you can walk through them with joy. If that means you get twins, triplets, or if you encounter infertility, you can still count it all as joy!

  15. Achieving has been easy for us, so far. We have two kids and hope to conceive again soon (cycles have not returned yet…I’m 13 months post-partum.) I think infertility or subfertility can affect anyone (I have a sister who has been unsuccessful in trying to have a baby for almost a decade), but I think a few things personally are in my favor: I’m a healthy weight, I’ve never used hormonal birth control and therefore don’t have a “more aged” cervix (http://www.billings-ovulation-method.org.au/act/cervix/ageing.shtml), and I first got pregnant at 24. Apparently the earlier you use your fertility, the more likely you’ll stay fertile longer.

    I’m glad this stuff is now being discussed. Too many couples delay pregnancy so long without giving a thought to the fact that they might be making it harder to achieve later.

  16. Ahh kids! I’m afraid I’m not as mature or wise as the rest of the readers who have commented. I’m young, 23, and just can’t see myself with kids. Well, I actually never have seen myself with kids. I don’t have motherhood in the horizon.
    Plus, due to a medical condition I have had since I was 6, I should not get pregnant. And if I do, I will be at high risk,
    I know a lot of people think it’s a shame that I won’t be able to conceive. I know my mom says, oh the doctors will take care of you. But my husband and I have decided not to even risk it when the time comes, if the time comes we want to expand our family.
    TMI….

  17. I was taking birth control when our son was conceived, so I guess you would say we had it very easy as we didn’t even try! We were not planning to have children in our early (me) to mid (him) twenties, if at all so to say we were shocked is an understatement! Our son is almost 4 now and while we love him to bits we have no plans for more kids. We’re living proof that you should never say never though! What will be, will be.

    As for house size, we went down the middle and bought a 3 bedroom home. Currently we use the third bedroom as an office/study, however we deliberately purchased a home with an inbuilt contingency plan. We have an additional area off the dining room which could easily become a slightly smaller study, thus freeing up the bedroom AND we have an attached garage/storage room which is just a new door, carpet and some plasterboard away from being a fourth bedroom (correct height, big picture windows etc but currently used as our gym with plain concrete floor and exposed brick walls). It would be a bit of a squeeze if we managed to fill two spare bedrooms with unexpected offspring, however it would be sufficient to buy us a few years so we werent pushed into buying something bigger before we were ready. Plus, there is still scope to extend the current house to add more living space/second level if we didn’t want the hassle of finding a new house & relocating.

  18. Trying now. Well, not literally RIGHT now…..but we’re trying, and we’ve been “trying” since March, basically. How “easy” it is depends a lot on health factors concerning both partners: how regular/predictable her cycle is (unfortunately, my wife’s isn’t all that regular — one of the reasons she went on birth control way back when was to get a regular cycle, so now that she’s off birth control the timing issue is tough to figure out), and sperm count/motility for him (no idea on what mine is like….we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it). So far? It hasn’t been easy because we haven’t gotten a steady hand on things like basal body temperature, etc., and because we’re not pregnant yet….we’re not panicking or anything, but we were really hoping it would be easier. We’re giving it until September, and then we’ll check in with the doctors.

    As for how that impacts financial decisions, we’re living in a one-bedroom one bath condo that my wife owns. We REALLY want to move to a bigger place to have more space and/or allow for guests to visit (her parents live a driveable distance, mine live out of state but would love to visit more), and the baby question is definitely on our mind’s right now in terms of how big we go. Our plan was to rent out our condo, rent a larger place (3 bedrooms, so we’d have a guest room and nursery/office), and then save up to buy a place when we’re more certain about our family size and where we want to settle. But recently we’ve been discussing just staying in the one bedroom longer (thereby saving up more money for a down payment), and then deciding what to do once we’re pregnant…..

  19. My husband and I have been “trying” for over a year and a half, and my only advice is to know that this is one thing in life you can’t plan. We are both young (25 and 28) and very healthy but have been diagnosed as infertile and are now spending the money we thought we had put aside for new baby expenses (crib, diapers etc.) on fertility treatments.
    Hindsight is 20/20 but woulde we have known we would have started trying sooner. If you try and wait till everything is perfect prepared you could be waiting your whole life.

  20. There’s no way to know! It just depends on the couple. And oh, what GOD wants your family to look like :).

    If your wife is on hormonal birth control, it could take awhile to adjust down from it. Also, wanted to point out that hormonal bc (if that’s even what you’re doing) acts as an abortifacient. The pill works to stop an egg from even releasing, but it also makes the uterine lining thinner to make implantation of a fertilized egg more difficult. So, if you have issue with a “fertilized egg”!! being chemically evacuated, then perhaps hormonal BC isn’t a good option for you. Just wanted to put that info out there. I was on the pill early in my marriage and quickly left it for that reason (and others).

    So…for me, it took a few months for my 1st born, my second child came along as soon as my cycle returned, and my third it was like…well ok let’s have three kids and go for it now and then boom.

  21. For those of you that have kids, how “easy” was getting pregnant? Did you pretty much decide you wanted to start having kids, and find yourself pregnant within a couple of weeks/months?

    YES – for us it was that easy. However, I did have a early miscarriage in between my two kids.

  22. Considering Baby #4 is heading our way next month, it is very odd for me to remember the days when we were struggling with infertility. It took about a year to conceive our twins with reproductive assistance (we were 27). Spontaneous pregnancy that did not last led us to use assistance again with our now 2 year old. And voila another spontaneous pregnancy has led to our sweet 4th bun in the oven now. After our experiences and listening to all of my girlfriends’ stories, I NEVER ask couples when they are going to have kids or if they are going to have more kids. I, personally, don’t mind discussing our journey (since it obviously turned out well) but you never know what a person is going through, how long they have been trying or if they were at the ob that morning! I do like another commenter’s thought though, as to don’t go looking for trouble. There is no reason to stress out now before it happens. Enjoy the process and this time together while it is just you two.

  23. My firstborn took about 11 months of timing my cycle and actively trying to conceive after having been on the pill for almost 4 years. It was a lot harder to conceive than I had expected. I went off bc when he was about 8 months to let my body re-adjust, expecting it would take a long time to get preggo. Instead I weaned him at 10 months and had a positive pregnancy test within 3 weeks. Yeah, not so hard that time!

  24. We’re still in the “no kids yet” phase of our lives, but I’ve definitely had the thought pop up about whether or not I could get pregnant. I’m not going to TEST that thought, because my luck would lead to triplets. But I told my husband if we can, we’ll have kids, and if not, we’ll look at adopting. You really can’t plan for conception.

  25. My girlfriend and I can’t have kids as I have some medical things happening that prevent it. However, we’re still planning on children in the future (either through adoption or a donor) so there are still lots of options out there!

  26. We have 2 kids (7 & 5). With both, it was only a month of being off birth control (the pill) that I got pregnant. So, very easy for us!

  27. My mom got pregnant while on the pill, then after my sister was born, my parents decided to have another so we’d be close in age. More than 4 years later, I was born. So, easy the first time, not so much the second time.

    A couple of years ago, my sister learned that she is medically unable to have children. As far as I know, this was after more than 6 months of trying. To makes things worse, this was discovered not long after I told my mother that I’d chosen not to have children. Ouch. Now I try not to feel guilty for depriving my parents of grandchildren. I also feel bad for my sister. I took it for granted that she could & would be a parent.

  28. Easy peasy. We didn’t worry too much about bc because fertility issues run in my family, so we just put it in God’s hands. Child #1 showed up 13 months after we were married. After #4, I had a tubal. Had I known then what I know now about nutrition, I would have stopped at #6, but at the time I felt incapable of being a good mother and more like sleeping all day. If I could go back and do it all again, sugar of any kind and refined flour never would have entered my system or the fetus. Live and learn.

  29. We were lucky. We didn’t get pregnant when we didn’t want to be pregnant, and when we decided the time was right, it happened quickly and without too much fuss.
    #1 took 4 cycles
    #2 took 2 cycles
    #3 took 1 cycle

  30. I was 42 y.o. and thinking I might be too old and 4 mos was all it took! My little girl didn’t thrive while she was ‘cooking’ though, and she was born at 30 weeks and 2 lbs even. She is now doing great and just turned 3!

  31. I put a lot of thought into when to start and little thought into the timeline after (if it happens fast or slow, doesn’t matter, it will happen.) a) if I do get pregnant after my ready-set-go date, that’s great! b) if I can’t get pregnant, there are other methods of procuring a child.
    As to the whole buying a house to suit your not-yet-materialized family, I would buy something I liked and could see living in with or without kids. Small spaces can always be adjusted to work and extra space will always get used for something.
    THE OPTIONS ARE ENDLESS, just don’t let the ‘ifs’ stop you before you’ve even gotten started.

  32. I’ve been with my boy toy since we we’re in high school. Now we’re in our late 20’s turning 28 this year and we both agreed we’ll consider trying for babies when I turn 31ish and only have 1 or 2 (we like that parent to child ratio).
    I don’t know if I’ll be lucky enough to be able to get pregnant, but if I can’t I’m willing to accept that it wasn’t meant to be.

    Fertility is really just luck of the draw:

    – Two of my best gal pals had “unexpected blessings” at the age of 21 & 25 and they said the easiest way to get pregnant is when you really don’t want to/not ready, lol.

    – Other two gals pals who got married first out of our group in their early 20’s are having problems getting pregnant & they’ve been actively trying for quite some time.

    – Family friend had a retirement baby, yes she was 48 when she got pregnant, baby girl was happy and healthy!

    When it comes to housing, you really don’t need to rush a move. You have to remember a baby isn’t mobile the first few months so what’s the rush in buying a 4-bedroom home right when you find out you’re pregnant? To each his own though 🙂

  33. It took us 1 year of trying naturally, 3 IUIs, 1 round of IVF and about $12k to conceive our first – now a beautiful toddler.

    After her, we never tried to not get pregnant but after 2 years it was clearly not going to happen on its own. Another round of IVF and another $15k, I am expecting in January.

    You never know. I am young (though older than you) and I never thought it would take the time and effort it did for us.

  34. This is a great – and responsible – area to consider, both personally and financially. We never thought about any potential difficulties, but when we started trying, we ran into them. There was no answer as to why we had trouble – but after a year and a half we went to IUI’s (and they can be a couple hundred bucks a pop even with decent insurance) for about 6 months. Right before we had an appt scheduled where the doc was going to reccomend IVF (see: crazy dollar amount), we ended up getting pregnant. We were fairly lucky, but we had to have some serious talks about the financial implications. I will say – for us at least – once we were so emotionally invested in the process of having a child, it’s not as easy to say “well, we just can’t afford it” therefor we were willing to make the financial investment. Obviously this process is a lot more complicated than this little paragraph, but it’s refreshing to see someone thinking about this beforehand.

    Remember, just because you know how to drive doesn’t mean your car will always run smoothly! 🙂

  35. With our first I went off birth control pills and was pregnant in six weeks, our second I stopped taking the pill but my husband was dithering on whether we should have another child or wait longer so we were half heartedly using timing and the occasional barrier method lol. One time I mis-timed my dismount and oops! So our kids are twenty-five months apart and great friends. We couldn’t agree on one or two more and the second baby had colic so I got an IUD and we held off for a few years, when we decided we’d like at least one more we stopped bc and figured we were already blessed with a boy and girl so would just see what happened. It’s been twelve years of no bc and no pregnancy, thank goodness for bad timing and my surprise baby girl!

  36. My wife and I discussed it and then she went off birth control. She was pregnant about a month later. No issues here, but others in my family have not been so lucky. I have a few relatives that have tried for years, but it just didn’t work. They only question you can really answer is when you want to start trying to have a baby.

  37. Before we even started trying, I already knew I would have trouble due to having PCOS. But…

    Pregnancy #1…took 2 surgeries, 5 rounds of clomid, and then a round of injectibles with insemination and resulted in a set of boy/girl twins, who were born 4 months early. They are almost 11 now. 🙂

    Pregnancy #2….took 3 surgeries, 9 rounds of injections, and 3 inseminations….and resulted in twin girls, and a molar triplet. The whole pregnancy was lost at 17 weeks.

    Pregnancy #3…was a complete surprise. After all of the above stuff….who would have thunk that just having sex would have resulted in a pregnancy? But alas, it wasn’t meant to be, and I miscarried at 10.5 weeks.

    I would say if you are thinking about forgoing any birth control methods that you are using….be prepared it could happen very quickly, or it may not. In the meantime, GN should start on prenatal vitamins, just in case.

  38. Our first caught us by surprise. #2 took 5 years, until we decided to understand the ovulation cycle. Given #2 took so long, we thought we start trying early for #3. Two weeks later, there was a stick getting peed on.

  39. Thank you Ninja! Finally someone who understands and thinks like me!

    “I feel like asking a couple when they are going to get pregnant is like asking…
    … a middle school boy when his voice is going to stop cracking
    … a middle-aged woman when she will start menopause
    … an old person when they are going to die
    What if it’s not as simple as just getting pregnant when we choose?”

    And I am so using your line the next time someone asks me when we will get pregnant.

    “Right now, but first we need you all to leave.” Definitely #WINNING haha

  40. It was not easy and took medical intervention! My kids are now grown and successful adults. The best part is the terrific relationship we maintain.

  41. Getting pregnant? Easy. Staying Pregnant? Much more difficult for me. Multiple miscarriages and definitely some medical intervention but in the end 3 healthy boys, 9,7, & 1.

  42. I didn’t plan on children and when husband proposed I told him that if he wanted kids to look elsewhere. He didn’t. Had a surprise early miscarriage, didn’t even know I was pregnant, in my early thirties. Figured that was the end of it. Then got treated for a thyroid condition at age 38, and 6 months later I was pregnant. Totally unexpected. This time, since thyroid problem had been discovered, I was able to carry the baby to term and I’m happy to report she just graduated from high school and is on her way to college.

  43. My husband and I decided we wanted a baby right after we got married. I had been on birth control for 6 years. I went off of it and 2 months later, found out I was pregnant. It happened more quickly than I thought it would!

  44. I think like most things (weddings, marriage, etc.) getting pregnant is portrayed as this thing that’s super easy to do. I definitely don’t think that’s the case! What’s worse, every woman is different, so there’s no way to really know what is “normal” etc.

  45. We’ve been “not not trying” as we call it for three years now and haven’t gotten pregnant. We swing from really not wanting kids, to thinking that it might be ok, but we aren’t going to push either way, if it happens it happens.

  46. With our first son it took us 37 months of trying, we were just about to start the process of being tested when we found out that we were pregnant. With our second baby (who is still baking I’m due in November), it took one night, literally. Our kids will be 16 months apart! So even with one woman/couple it can be a completely different time frame for each child!

  47. I have been blessed that I could tell you the day of conception with all 3 of my kids. My husband only has to look at me and I am pregnant. We have seen the other side with my BIL and his wife. After years of trying they fell pregnant and then at 32 weeks the placenta detached and the baby was stillborn. The within 2 months they were pregnant again, in hospital for a few weeks before baby was born at 32 weeks. He is now a beautiful 3 year old and doing well.

  48. I think the overall message is to not take it for granted that it will be easy, and it’s tough to know until you try . Everyone is different, and there are many people who get to be blissfully ignorant of the challenges others face (infertility, miscarriage, stillborn, etc.) and others who walk each step of that pain. I hope that you and GN are able to easily, as you’ve always wanted to be parents.

  49. if she’s still on BC, you have to wait a few months for that to go out of her system and everything to go back to ‘normal’. Once that happens, it can happen at any time, but if it doesnt, they’ll usually send YOU to the doc first to get tested and rule you out, then start testing GN. the testing takes a while, but like OP said, go with a RE and not an OB/GYN – You’ll need to see an endocrinologist for your test, if needed.
    basically, first step is to get off BC and try for a while (I suggest charting to make it easier to figure out when you need to ‘step it up’) then if nothing happens, she should get bloodwork done and you should go to the doc as well.

  50. For us, like so many others, it has been very hard to get pregnant. We bought a three-bedroom house two years ago, around the same time we started “trying.” Since then we’ve spent thousands of dollars on doctor visits, tests, surgery, insemination, prescriptions, acupuncture, yoga, gym memberships, etc. Finally, they figured out I have endometriosis (required surgery to find it) and I’m on an awful drug that puts me into a temporary menopause.

    It’s very, very difficult to look at that empty bedroom every day, but at least my in-laws have a place to sleep when they come to visit.

  51. No plans and mine just happened. We were unprepared but accepted it. Though it ended in miscarriage, the doctor advised us to at least wait for 3 months before trying again (pshaw, sure we will!), on the 3rd month I was pregnant again. We thought “eh, must be time; not sure when we’ll ever get ready”. At nearly 36, I feel that my body was telling me it was the right time. It’s true what they say about not really being completely ready for it. It’s a big step!

  52. I think there is so much talk/news/hype about infertility that people almost assume they will have problems too. I was worried myself, but it only took a few months. Chances are good everything will be fine and it shouldn’t take any longer than normal.

  53. Grape Nuts. I like the way they crunch so agressively.

    Just wanted to say for the record that even if you can’t have kids because of some medical reason, and you choose not to adopt, it is actually possible to have a good, meaningful life. I am sort of a fatalist, if it is not meant to be, it’s not meant to be…

  54. It took us one month with number one, and three months with number two (due in November). That being said, with number two with didn’t “try” quite as frequently as with number one, just stopped using protection and got pregnant when we got pregnant 🙂

    I thought a lot about not being able to get pregnant because I’ve had a few family members who tried for 10+ years before being able to have children without fertility treatments. But we always knew that we would try to adopt regardless of whether we were able to have children or not, so it didn’t really make a difference in the house we bought. If we were unable to have children after a year or so we probably would have sped up our savings and started the applications process earlier. We still bought a 4 bedroom house and had a guest room, game room, and office. I enjoyed having a few exra bedrooms the 6 years before we had children because we were able to offer a few college students (and my cousin for over a year) a place to stay many times.

  55. We weren’t trying and our baby girl came about a year and a half early, so would you consider that negative 18 months?

  56. Everyone told me that it would take a long time for my wife to get pregnant. I had planned on about 3-months for her to get pregnant. Well, she had her IUD taken out on a Friday and within 4 days she was pregnant.

  57. I’m 36 and hubby is 44, and I assumed we would have issues of some sort, but thankfully, we didn’t….we started trying in October of last year and found out that I was pregnant in early December, so it took only two cycles. I’m due on August 15! It’s exciting and scary at the same time.

  58. We got married and built our house intending to have children right away. 11 years and our entire saving$ later, we are finally pregnant with our first child. We built our life around the notion of having a family, and had no reason to suspect it would be difficult. Live your life for your current station in life. It was very difficult and immensely depressing to look at and live with the rooms of shattered dreams, even if they are re-purposed as an office or gym. Fortunately, we have a happy ending. This experience has taught me that there are far more people with fertility issues than i ever imagined, and nobody talks about it. Live for today and adjust as needed.

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