Dear Sallie Mae

October 26, 2009 · 2 comments

I’m sorry. I have called you some pretty mean names during the last 8 months of my blogging career. Whore bag, ho bag, douche bag, and just about any other kind of “bag” are some of the insults that come to mind. I have been rather harsh and feel that an apology is in order.

As you know, I currently owe you $17,500 in student loan debt. I’ve held a grudge against you, when in fact I am mad at myself. You didn’t force me to take out student loans and you didn’t force me to consolidate the loans I did take out. That was a choice I made on my own. In fact, if it student loans didn’t exist I would not have been able to attend the wonderful college I did.

Am I happy that I have debt? No. Am I grateful for four years of awesomeness. Hell yea. I would pay $17,500 today, if it meant I could go back and relive my college experience. I pretend to be mad at you for three reasons. First, I hate debt, and since you are the owner of my current debt, I am obligated to hate you as well. Secondly, you never informed me about the negatives associated with consolidating a student loan. Lastly, it’s fun. Who else can I call a douche bag that wont punch me in the face for doing so?

I have learned an expensive, but valuable lesson: You are more than happy to take my money. I regret to inform you, that I will be minimizing the the profit you can make from my debt. With the giant payments I have been making each month, our relationship will not last much longer. Consider this official notice, of my intent to break up with you.

While your death grip may currently be wrapped around my neck, I will survive. I’m sorry for all the terrible names I have called you, but please do not expect me to stop. You’re my number one whore girl :)

Respectfully,

1 Duddes02

I've been trying to break up with Sallie for like 4 years now. She moved in to the spare bedroom though ;). What a whore!

2 Jessie

heh heh – too funny. stupid student loans… I've got 8,500 left on mine.

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