A rant.

I can’t believe all the crap you women buy. It’s unbelievable. Girl Ninja and I are heading to Palm Desert, CA in a few days for Thanksgiving and we decided to do carry-ons for the short getaway. Since TSA restricts liquids to a maximum of 3oz per object, we had to head to the store to get some travel sized toiletries.

Look, I have no problem with GN wanting to be sanitized, beautified, and lotionized, but after she grabbed her fourth and fifth product I couldn’t help but laugh. I mean, homegirl picked up some travel shampoo, conditioner, face wash, body wash, body lotion, and face lotion. Are you kidding me? Really? Is all that necessary?

Maybe it’s a guy thing, but when it comes to cleanliness I only need one product. Shampoo. Who needs body wash, or face wash, or lotion, or conditioner when you have a bottle of Cucumber and Green Tea Dove Shampoo? I just rub the shampoo around my head until it gets soapy and then proceed to use that soap to clean the rest of my body. Heck I even use it to shave. Works like a charm, and by my precise calculations saves me A TON of money each year.

I’m convinced IKEA would go out of business tomorrow if the female population went extinct. As GN and I discuss our future home furnishings, there are few things we agree on. We need a bed, a couch, and a TV. We don’t need 98 different glass vases (filled with seashells) sitting on the bathroom counter. Nor do I care if my wall is painted white, off-white, eggshell, or ivory.

And don’t even get me started on decorative pillows. I mean do we really need to buy pillows that we aren’t actually allowed to use? “What do you mean I have to take them off the bed and put them in a trunk before I can go to sleep, only to wake up and have to put them back on the bed again?” Ahhhhh!

Men shop with a purpose. Women don’t. 

Let’s say John wants to buy a new shirt for work. His wife Tara, also needs a new dress shirt. They both have the same objective, but their process to completing the goal is usually very different. Before John even gets in his car to go to the mall, he already has an idea of what color and style of shirt he wants as well as what store he’d prefer to buy it from. John walks in to Banana Republic and five minutes later comes out victorious. He got his shirt.

Tara on the other hand, drives to the mall with three of her best friends. She gets caught up in “girls day” and after three hours of shopping, two new pairs of shoes, a salad from Cheesecake Factory, a new toaster oven from Crate & Barrel, and a tall non-fat vanilla latte from Starbucks, Tara heads home. Later that night, she shows John what she got at the mall. It’s not until this point that she remembers the reason she went shopping in the first place: for a shirt. “Oh well” she thinks, “I’ll just go back tomorrow.”

MEN: Anything I’m missing, or that you’d like to add?

WOMEN: What are some stereotypical guy things that get underneath your skin? Now is your chance to even the playing field 😉

note: Yes I know this whole post was dramatic, stereotyping, and probably offensive to some. Get over it. My blog is called Punch Debt In The Face, and in case you didn’t know, I should almost never be taken seriously.

Anything you want to ask a big financial institution?

I’m at USAA headquarters in San Antonio, TX for a few days and will have an opportunity to meet some representatives from various departments. Thought I’d give you all an opportunity to use me as a middle-man for any questions you might have for a LARGE financial institution. You tell me, I’ll ask them, and I’ll report back with answers.

Get as nitty-gritty as you’d like, I’m not shy and wont mind rolling my sleeves up or asking some awkward/tough questions. I’ll be posting their responses throughout the day 😉

If you have no desire to participate here is a picture of Clint Eastwood holding a baby armadillo…

Whale vomit is gold.

Ever wandered across a beach, only to stumble upon vomit from a whale? Oh you haven’t? Too bad for you. If you had, you might be like 8-year-old Charlie Naysmith who is now $63,000 richer because of it. Apparently sperm whales regurgitate a substance known as ambergris. Ambergris, in case you didn’t know, can make the scent of perfume last longer; making it a very valuable commodity.

Charlie will now have more in his savings account than most of us all because he decided to pick up some vomit.

This story makes me think about all the great opportunities I’ve ignored or overlooked. Maybe this $1.99 desk I bought from a thrift store was the desk Thomas Jefferson wrote the constitution on? Or maybe that old Ken Griffey Jr. card I have in my baseball collection is worth more than the $0.50 I paid for the pack of gum it came in? Hey if whale vomit can be worth thousands, why can’t my desk be worth millions?

The best return on investment I’ve ever got was a mini-van I purchased from my Grandma’s estate when she passed away. I paid $1,700 for the van and drove that sucker my entire junior year of college (and if you’re wondering if it had dual automatic sliding doors; the answer is yes!). One year after purchase, I put the thing up on Craigslist and sold it for $5,000 within a week. Buying a mini-van is the best financial decision I’ve made yet…take that personal finance!!!!

You never know when your next cash cow could present itself. One day you’re walking down the beach with your dad. The next you are selling whale vomit to some company for $63,000. Lesson learned. 

What’s the best return on investment you’ve ever made?

Humor me.

No, seriously. You humor me today. Ready….go.

Things I want to punch in the face: Single People.

Okay, before you burn me at the stake, let me clarify I don’t want to punch all single people in the face. No, just the annoying desperate single people who remind me everyday on Facebook and twitter that they haven’t yet found the love of their life. I get that you may have been single for a few years now. I also get that you would probably prefer to be swept off your feet by Mr/Ms Right sooner rather than later. But please, for the love of all that is good, stop sharing your lackluster love life with the world.

Here are just two such examples of Facebook posts that have recently polluted my feed:

and…

Or how about the million tweets I’ve seen that go something like “OMG super cute guy just walked by. :::squeals::: Really hope he comes and talks to me.”

No. No. No. You want to how to get that guy to talk to you? Approach him and start a conversation. Weird huh? Tweeting to a bunch of random strangers about some fantasy love affair you are having with a guy that “just walked by” will pretty much ensure you stay single for at least a few more years.

“That girl’s desperation is totally sexy”

– Said no one ever. 

Now before you go off and accuse me of “not understanding” single life because I am married, let me remind you that from my senior year of high school, all the way until my senior year of college, I was 100% single. Not one girlfriend. Heck, not even one prospect. Not only had I not had a girlfriend for that four-year stint, but I hadn’t kissed anyone during that time either.

College is supposed to be one’s dating prime, right? 

I get wanting to be in a relationship, I really do. But if you aren’t comfortable/confident in yourself as a single individual you aren’t ready to be in a relationship. In fact, the only thing more annoying than a status update from a desperate single person, is a status update from a desperate ex-single person who has found themselves in a new relationship. You know those status updates I posted above? Well she’s got a new boyfriend and now I get updates like this on my news feed:


Glad homegirl found happiness, but come on I don’t need a status update every day about how much you love the guy you’ve known for 72 hours. I’m not so convinced she actually likes this guy as much as she just likes not having to be single anymore. Anyone else get that impression?

Being single is not a disease nor should it be your identity. If your status updates and tweets make it seem like your love life (or lack thereof) is your primary concern I want to challenge you to use a different metric to measure your worth….or at the very least do yourself a favor and delete your Facebook 🙂

If you had to be selfish.

It’s Friday mother lovers, and you better be prepared to love your mothers well this weekend since it’s all about them. Love ya mom 🙂 Since you all have likely checked out mentally in anticipation of the upcoming weekend, I figured it’s a good time to engage the PDITF audience and promote some community interaction. I pose a simple question:

If you could be selfish with $5,000 what would you do? 

See what I did there? I said you had to be selfish with it. So  don’t think you’re getting off easy, taking the moral high ground, pretending you are going to donate this hypothetical $5k to charity, use it to pay off debt, contribute to retirement, or some other noble/responsible purpose.

No! Today you must be greedy. You have to use that $5,000 on something that only (or PRIMARILY) benefits you. It’s okay to be hypothetically selfish, so don’t feel bad.

If I had $5 g’s to selfishly blow, no questions asked, I would, WITHOUT A DOUBT, go buy myself a motorcycle. I sold my street bike over two years ago now (exchanged it for that tiny little diamond that sits in Girl Ninja’s ring) and would love to get another. Nothing beats the feeling of wind rushing across your face as you ride down the street.

It would be totally selfish of me to buy a motorcycle, not necessarily because of the money spent, but because Girl Ninja DOES NOT want me to have one. Although she herself admits she understands why I enjoy riding a motorcycle so much, to her it just isn’t worth the inherit risks and exponentially increased danger factor. Probably doesn’t help that my dad was in a motorcycle accident a few years back that resulted in the near amputation of his leg. Instead he got off “light” with a muscle transplant, multiple skin grafts, a permanent limp, and one gnarly looking battle wound. Yup, doesn’t look like I’ll ever get the blessing to own a motorcycle again, thanks a lot dad 😉

So reader, I’d buy a bike with my $5,000. What would you do? And what keeps you from doing it?

Are professional athletes overpaid?

I was riding in the car with a friend a while back when they said something along the lines of “Professional athletes are overpaid.” While I don’t necessarily disagree with that statement (Lebron), I have to disagree with the sentiment.

The odds for John Doe going pro are 22,000 to 1. That works out to about a 0.0045% chance. Did you know you literally have a better chance at marrying a millionaire, being murdered, being audited by Uncle Sam, or developing hemorrhoids than you do becoming a professional athlete?

Professional athletes are the creme de la creme. People that are the best in the world at what they do, typically are paid well for those skills, whether it be dentist, lawyer, contractor, or blogger. Should we say actors salaries should be capped? How about scientists, software developers, and real estate agents salaries should be capped too?

People get all pissy when they hear Kobe is making $17 million a year, but no one seemed to care when three 20-something guys created YouTube, to later sell it to Google for $1.65 billion. Does Kobe make a lot of money? Heck yea, he does, but who am I to tell him his earning potential should be limited?

Ya see, professional athletes get paid what they’re worth. If they make a big salary, they are likely drawing in a large fan base. In virtually all private sector positions, the better you are at your job (compared to everyone else) the better chance you have at getting paid more. Instead of being bitter that A-Rod signed a $250 million contract, be BETTER at what you do.

What do you think peeps? Are professional athletes overpaid? Should there be pay-caps on certain industries?