Comments on: Male = Income, Woman = Kitchen

By: MJCM

MJCM — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 11:09:28 +0000

Part II
Now that both my children are at school, I've lost a tremendous amount of seniority, and it's seriously messed with my psyche. It is very, very hard for me to take the steps that will get me back into the workforce because I see my loss of seniority and absence from ongoing professional development opportunities as a humiliating exercise in battling against forces that are way beyond my control. One of the most awful things is that in order to go back, I will have to be mentored by someone whom I mentored 12 years ago when they were first starting out.

I don't say that this will be your wife's experience, but I wish more women knew that being a SAHM is not all PTA meetings, coffee mornings and long walks with cheerful girlfriends. Sometimes it's seriously detrimental to the mental health of previously highly capable women.

Good luck with your decision. Whichever one you make, I hope it’s the right one for your wife.

By: MJCM

MJCM — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 11:09:05 +0000

Part I
Your wife has to be extremely careful projecting how she will feel about being a SAHM a couple of years into it.

My husband has always earned twice my salary (he’s in business; I’m a public servant) and we wanted one parent to be with the children when they were young, so it was a family financial decision that he continued working while I stayed home to raise the children. It made sense to me at the time.

I'm going on my 9th year of depression because I never realized when making the decision to become a SAHM that my self esteem and sense of well-being depended very much on the validation of a paycheck, promotions at work and the adult company of intelligent, creative people. The smiles of my gorgeous little children are wonderful, but they just don't cut it for me.

Many people will think that I am terrible for admitting that, but I can only tell you my experience. I wish more SAHM moms would risk being unpopular in order to tell it like it is (for some).

By: Katamom

Katamom — Sat, 27 Feb 2010 16:28:42 +0000

As a 55 year-old former SAHM, may I give my input?
First, the going into "tens of thousands of dollars of debt" part of going to school yet, wanting to be a SAH-anything is a bit of a scare. Uggh! Next, I am not going to attempt to convince anyone that everyone should go to college. There are ways to get a good education without jeopardizing one’s financial future. Ask my three. “Debt-free after three” was my educational goal.
That said, there are plenty of good reasons to be prepared by attending college. One, I went to school to prepare myself to be the best prepared mother I could be. It came in handy when I decided to stay at home with my girls. The knowledge I gained in college helped prepare me to teach them. That's right, I home-educated my three after I decided to take a break from teaching to stay home to give them a stable, involved home life while their daddy continued to teach school.
Next, after a setback for Hubby, I was prepared to pick up the burden and give him a break to recuperate. My diploma gave me what I needed to be prepared in case of emergency.
Stay-at-Home should not be equated with ignorant.
Thanks, and you are not crazy.

By: Trina

Trina — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 22:24:39 +0000

Hi Ninja
I am a sahm to 2 year old twins and I LOVE it! I wish my husband and I had the foresight that you do. We totally make the 1 salary work, but it would have been genius to always have lived on his salary alone. I worked as a teacher for 3 years before the kids arrived and that would have been $120k straight extra in our accounts if we had stashed it away. My advice would be to live on your income alone from the get go, that way when you have a bambino, or two, transitioning 'down' to one income won't be an issue.
Trina

By: BakinBaker

BakinBaker — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 04:06:01 +0000

I'm 25, a mom to 3 (5yr, 4yr & 2yr), and work full-time.
1. I would LOVE to be a stay-at-home-mom, BUT while I love my kids, I'm not sure I could handle being with them all. day. long. My husband would be happy as a stay-at-home-dad and would me much more sane. I have anxiety problems, he doesn't. When you have kids being a parent should be your #1 job, everything else should come after that.
2. We make over $120k a year plus the child support that I receive from my ex-husband for my oldest 2 children. We live an indulgent life according to some, but don't to extravagant things and only recently took our first vacation/honeymoon (we've been married 3 years!). We live paycheck-to-paycheck 90% of the time. Some of this is due to mismanaging our money but most of it is that we actually use most of our money for the necessities. Children are expensive. The daycare receives just shy of $1,400 from my family (including my ex's portion) PER MONTH, but net twice what my husband and I spend on childcare per month so there would be additional things that would have to be cut from our budget before we broke even.
3. Both of our parents worked full-time. There was a point where my husband's mom didn't work but it was for medical reasons not by choice. His dad was a senior office at a major company and made A LOT of money. Sadly, that ended about 15 years ago.
4. Currently we are in fact trying to work out a way for me to stay home (my husband's salary is more than twice what mine is) but not for a financial standpoint; with 3 kids, there is a plethora of appointments, activities, illness and it seems that once a week one of us is taking off for some reason or another tending to the kiddos.

Good Luck!